Looking after my neighbor’s apartment has HAD its perks — emphasis on “had.” And there were things that I had come to expect, like availing myself of loose quarters. This time around was ever so disappointing – and I’ve never seen so many roaches!
When I went to their apartment to bring the mail and water the plants, though I was attacked by roaches, I still looked for the many packages of cookies T has insanely hoarded for like — ever. But, as mentioned in my previous post – there weren’t any – I would still have eaten them with roaches there – he usually keeps them bagged and in jars and shit. Okay so fine – I accepted that I’d be responsible for purchasing my own snacks.
Then one night, I steamed vegetables, opened the cabinet for olive oil and had the hideous remembrance that it was on my shopping list since I’d run out. “Oh dang. But T prolly has some!” I go downstairs and grab a bottle — I don’t know what the hell kind of oil was in there but, that, was no olive oil!
Okay so next, T has always kept quarters on the foyer table. Other times when I watched his apartment when he was in Ireland, I would take them if I ran out of laundry quarters and replace them later. This time the quarters looked like commemorative quarters – I was scared to touch them, so had to wait till next damn day to finish laundry.
Yesterday I came to terms with the fact that I was spoiled when it came to T’s apartment. The only thing I could partake of in there was the liquor, but I’m not apposed ta drink it.
Back home after dropping their mail and flicking off roaches that leeched onto the black garments I’d worn the last four days, I realized that looking at liquor bottles did much to warm my mind and much to loosen my sphincter – I had to take a shit.
Oh so marvelous, but, alas, no toilet paper… Thank God we live in a century where we needn’t waddle down to the babbling brook to wash our asses when this happens – so I hopped in the tub and got under the spigot. But what happens upon the ‘morrow, I mused, as it was too late to go the supermarket. Then the light bulb came on in my noggin, and I dashed down to T’s. He’d be good for at least one roll. And. He was.
Why’d it have to be weird? It was some generic brand that had been perfumed. And you know what can happen when you use tissues laced with industrial fragrance? But, oh, I am happy to report that all is well in the nether regions!
I await now the return of my neighbors, and will disclose not the least of my disappointments.
Hmm, not sure if I should ever ask you to house sit my home or not, Sandee… 😉
Hahaha! — Exactly!
You are much stronger than I am…the Beautiful Liquor Cabinet would have been making an echo in T’s apartment. If he knew me that is. And still wanted me to look after his stuff. (his roaches? Maybe you were supposed to walk them! 😉 )
Oh Dawn, it takes everything I have at times, to by pass the liquor cabinet — I have such a love affair with the bottle, I’m afraid it would take me beyond hell… So I eschew it.
Yes, walk the roaches — I knew there was something I had forgotten — hahaha! They’re so fluffy and always happy to see me when I drop by!
Friendly little guys aren’t they! (I suppose that we have the same love affair! Keep up the good work.) 🙂
T has let his house go. Haha!
Yes, Shauna, I think so! Hahaha!
I always think about the cookies when you mention your house sitting escapades. The fact that there are now so many roaches negates everything else that’s good. Too bad. Hurrah that you found some lovely perfumed toilet paper. All is not lost…
Hehehe — that’s the way I felt — seriously — least I got some tp that didn’t give me an inflamed buttocks! Now, I’m off to go fetch his daily mail!
Bawling!!!! Hahahahahaha!!!!!! Ill, you had to flick off roaches?!
I took some poetic license with the roach part! It was an exaggeration. I was leaning on the wall and they were crawling all around me, they were all by my feet — ick! BUT, truth is, I did have on the same outfit for four days — the one I had on with you at the Hebrew Home for the Aged at Riverdale 🙂
Funny stuff…except for the roaches. They always creep me out, Sandee!!
Thanks BF! — What? — you no like roaches — hahaha!
Maybe you should give T a welcome home gift, some Combat or a roach motel?
For REAL! Hahahaha!
Suddenly the image fills my head of waddling down to a body of water to clean my ass hahahaha. Thanks for that.
I know right! — this is my favorite part 🙂 Hahaha! Glad you can appreciate it!
If I say that I’m happy for your nether regions, will it sound creepy? I mean it in the most non-creepy way.
And I thank you! It’s rude when people aren’t happy for your nether regions 😀
Hey, Mensa Girl, I know my memory is bad now, but I swear you changed the name of your blog and lost sharp-chin somewhere? I finally cleared out my Reader and stopped the email notifications of posts so maybe I can get my act together. Maybe. 🙂 I know I’ve heard of this neighbor before. Haven’t I? Too funny.
I did indeed change my blogging moniker to just plain Sandee. I also stopped getting email notifications — it was overwhelming at a time when I had taken a bit of a blogging break.
Yes, I have spoken of this neighbor before — haha! Our relationship inspires me to write!
BTW, Do you follow Alex Autin’s blog, “Things I love”? If you like all things space exploration and physics, you’d love her blog. Check it out.
Thanks for the recommendation — I will check it out! I don’t know physics but I’m always interested in reading science that’s written for lay people.