I love saying this as a way to outline a day in my life. It’s my tribute to Solzhenitsyn. I don’t mean to diminish the meaning of the book, which is about a Soviet prisoner.
Either way, here’s one day in my roach infested life:
number A – Saw my friend J. who goes to the nudie beach. I’m planning to go with. Only thing it costs 45 fucking dollars to take the ferry there. He says he’d pay, but does that mean I’d have to, you know, put lotion on his buttocks?
number B – I thoroughly enjoyed hugging a man with a southern accent who smelled like cigarettes.
number C – I planned to come home and unfriend someone on Facebook. Though we were just acquaintances, I thought we had a mutual interest in each other’s lives. But while this person is ‘liking’ up everybody else’s posts, they have yet to ‘like’ anything I post. I have other FB ‘friends’ who ignore me, but with this person it’s rather curious. It would be fine if they hadn’t acted so friendly and interested when I used to see them. Wull, anyways, I’m trying to sell books and FB is my poor ass attempt at marketing — when I feel like it. So when I got home, I decided, maybe I won’t unfriend them just yet.
number D – I got a sweet gift from a blogger — but if I told you what it was I’d have to kill you.
number E – Okay so, I watched a man and a woman emerge from a single unisex public toilet — hubba hubba!
number F — I’m ‘watering’ my neighbor’s apartment while he’s away. It’s all clean in there since he married his girlfriend. And I think she threw all his cookies away. I was planning on grabbing a few but when I looked at the shelves where he usually keeps them, there weren’t any. I mean — this man stocked up on cookies like he was a Keebler elf — it was insane — once I counted 15 packages of cookies. So I just dropped off his mail, watered the plants and got the hell out of there. I did stare at his liquor bottles, tempted to open one just to smell it, but as people who know me know, I need to stay thirty yards away from liquor because it turns me into a damn Gremlin. The cool thing is that he finally got rid of that furry toilet seat cover. I HATE anything furry in the bathroom, especially in the vicinity of the toilet with all those bacteria and microscopic organisms — ew! My ex had one and I was always uncomfortable in his apartment because I knew there was one in the bathroom.
number G — I read this great post on the Outlier Collective about cellulite! Made me proud to have it!