Damn U.

With magic, sometimes you’re not aware that a spell has been cast. All these years and I didn’t know that Prince had more to do with me than I realized. The dude had fairy dust around him. I attached to that ethereal thread in his work.

“I Wanna Be Your Lover” was constantly played on the radio when I was in high school, but it was the movie “Purple Rain” that reeled me in as a black girl who loved rock ‘n roll. I “grew up” with Prince.

I didn’t know him, but it feels like I did. That one freaky black musician has transcended. If it was only the sex it wouldn’t be a problem. I’m absolutely deranged now that he’s gone. He left me fired up all the time. I’m not the only one — I see the comments in his YouTube videos. One guy said “I think I was impregnated by this video, and I don’t even have a uterus.” His comment got almost 150 likes.

Who wears mascara and lace, flirts with men, screams like a girl and gets all the women? Prince. That pan sexuality thing makes me insane. Later in his life, there seemed to be a denial of all that wild behavior. I see it this way – he had his battles like everyone else. The music industry is no joke. Either way, he could do no wrong in my book because he contributed something valuable to the culture.

I’m saturating myself, clicking repeatedly on concerts, videos, and interviews – he flirts with Mel Gibson on the Jay Leno show, which he had visited a few times. He seemed to like Jay Leno – wow! It’s interesting to see him so animated and “human” on this show because he’s normally quiet and mysterious. And what a sense of humor. But watching him hold his guitar – it’s too much. You are aware of his fingers. He moved with that guitar like a dance partner –sometimes he humped it to get his point across.

He put joy and life into his music. It’s truth. If he wasn’t a charismatic genius those movements might be hideous. He built on musicians before him, but he’s an authentic artist. I’ve seen him play drums, piano, and of course the guitar, but he played 27 instruments.

After Prince’s death I said that I got it — the universe needed Prince to work his energy from the outside – he had an amazing amount of it. A lot of the energy that I feel now is terribly sexual – painfully so. You can have sex with dead icons in your head. But the craving isn’t going to be satisfied. What I want is not real. What am I grasping? I gotta work this thing out — I might be posting more thoughts on this thing. It’s been a year since I’ve posted so you know this is serious. I’m fortunate to have a best friend to commiserate with — we go back and forth back and forth about it for days. Help me Jesus!

Those old videos aren’t really “porno,” like I jokingly told my friend. Like everyone’s said, they’re about God. I had read that Scorpions regard sex religiously. I do. And from Prince’s legacy, I have inherited something beyond me. Maybe after I get more sleep and take care of some issues that I’m dealing with I might be able to channel my muse with more equilibrium – but for now, as Prince said — damn u.