Auntie Sandee on the Ass of Death

Published December 28, 2013 by Sandee

From “Last Tango in Paris”: “You’re alone…you won’t be able to be free of that feeling of being alone until you look death right in the face…until you go right up into the ass of death…”

Someone told me, “Oh you want a husband!  No, no — you don’t want to die alone!”  The most alone I’ve ever been was when I was with someone;  there was a person who represented an idea that I shouldn’t be alone, yet I was, so it became a mockery, which is even more painful.  Doesn’t matter how compatible to me they were.

You’re going to die alone even if you die with a roomful of people.  You’re born alone.  You die alone, just the same as your experience in this existence is only yours and no one else can fit inside of it and prescribe a course of living for you based on that existence.  Twins are born together.  But are they experiencing the exact same thing together as if they were in one skin?  This last part reminded me of something my sweet Kyle had written a bit back.

But I don’t know — maybe this would be possible in a higher state of consciousness.  So maybe we can die with people.  Maybe our energy can merge and float off into the ether, made up of different chemical compounds of course since the energy transforms, and we go back into the “essence” together.  Scientists say when we die, there is energy that doesn’t, so maybe.  Wouldn’t that be nice? Humans just have a tendency of making pretty metaphors of things — as we speak in colors — consisting of heaven and angels, etc.

It doesn’t matter to me if I die in my room by myself or if there are people surrounding me — I think that would be worse, to be fading away, leaving all of these grieving loved ones behind.  Maybe.

I had the flu many years ago.  I lie on the sofa for three days.  I didn’t have enough strength to open the convertible bed.  I thought, “I’m going to die here,” and it was very matter-of-fact, no fear.  At that time I saw easily how simple it is to die, how easy it would be to just leave.  I had no sentimentality about loved ones, nothing.

No matter whether you die with people or not, being alone is something you have to deal with by yourself.  Having another person, or a body around you all the time isn’t the cure for loneliness.  There’s some space inside yourself that you alone have to deal with.

This had been a building full of widows when I moved here years ago.  I’m sure they all thought their husbands would be around so that they could “die together.”  Ha!

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25 comments on “Auntie Sandee on the Ass of Death

  • You are so correct no matter how many loved ones you have around you when it is time to die you die alone and you go into that coffin alone and what happens after that is a mystery that perhaps only you will know.

    • Yay! I’m glad you acknowledge that it’s a mystery. I do believe that it’s so natural that we shouldn’t be afraid of it. But I suppose the mystery of what happens after you don’t exist anymore can be scary.

  • It doesn’t affect me at all if I die alone or not. But I do fantasize about my spirit lingering here. I tell my daughter to expect me to contact her after my death because if I can I sure as hell will and she said “Awesome!” lol!

  • There’s a difference between being alone, and being lonely. Lonely is bad, and you can be lonely even when you’re surrounded by people. But being alone is lovely. You can be in the quiet, or turn up the music as loud as you want. You can bake brownies at 3AM, or just stay up watching trashy TV. I don’t mind having my mom here with me, but I could just as easily live alone and be happy.

    • Being alone makes me think of solitude, where you have the opportunity to get to know yourself and actually regenerate energy that may get drained from being outside of yourself too long.

  • So true Sandee, there are places we go where none may follow and that’s how it should be. Death isn’t always a bad thing. My friend’s mum is very sick on the verge of passing, and whilst she’s naturally devastated I can’t help but feel thankful that this poor lady who has been in pain and incapacitated in so many ways for years is finally going to know freedom and liberation from all worldly woes and ties.

    Loving the new look, by the way! x

    • Sometimes death is a relief. But I think it may be harder for the people left behind than for the actual dead people.

      Thanks Sista — I’m glad you like my new ‘head’ — hahaha!

  • I love love love this post!!!! So many people place their happiness on people and things. I was one of them and I thank God I’ve gotten to place where you are. Some people believe if you don’t have a husband/children your life is not complete. Sometimes that’s all they talk about and then makes you feel like if you don’t have the same at a certain point, something is wrong Inner peace is everything… lets make a toast,: to inner peace even when on the ass of death and to the new year. 🙂

    • Thanks Shauna! I’m so glad you’re on the same wavelength and understand what I’m saying. Yes! — let’s toast to inner peace on the ass of death! — hahahaha! Happy New Year!

  • You nailed it, Sandee. We are all going to die alone, so we all need to learn how to enjoy our own company. People who are desperate to always surround themselves with others have not yet learned how to do this. And I feel sorry for them.

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