I’m thinking of writing porn. Everyone’s doing it. But mine would be “outer-limits” porn. My movie would have canned goods (But absolutely NO can openers!), Brillo pads, coffee filters, extension cords (naughty, eh?), and the entire cast, except for me, would be ninety years old – excluding my grandmother – how dare you imagine that I would allow my grandma to be in such filth! You might have guessed that I cooked up (cooked up – ha!) this idea while in my kitchen.
I watched a snippet of Don Juan DeMarco with Johnny Depp, Marlon Brando and Faye Dunaway. Marlon Brando and Faye Dunaway are old in it and they’re married. There’s a scene with them in bed. They kissed. It got me horny. That’s right — I think old people are hot — forget y’all! I was mad they didn’t get butt naked.
I’ve written about my WWII veteran friend who’s one sexy bastid. He’s eighty-six. He raps, old school, and he killed bad people. You can’t touch that.
I respect him too much so he can’t be in my movie even though he’s muy hotto and I know he would blow it up. I just can’t see pimping him like that. Plus he’s too young. But I’ll interview some of his friends and some people from the Hebrew Home for the Aged at Riverdale – that’s where grandma is. And I know oldsters who visit the gallery where I work.
It’ll be a problem if they don’t want to get naked. But there won’t be animals in this movie for those of you into that kind of thing – blech! I’ll keep you posted if I decide to do it or not. Oh yeah, and no oxygen tanks because I’m using blow torches.