This Luddite figured out how to scan pictures into her computer – watch out now! Oh God what’s next? Maybe I’ll use my stagnating twitter account.
Yes they are low quality images, but you don’t mind because you understand that I am handicapped when it comes to technology. These pictures go back between 7 and 17 years ago. The ones on the left are a montage that I sent with my manuscript a while back because I was too cheap to spend money on a head shot — no that’s a lie — I didn’t have any goddamned money! It might have been a mistake to send them this. I’m quite sure it’s why they didn’t publish my work.
At the top left is me as Roy Orbison at Niagara Falls – we had a kick-ass time! I wore those clothes everyday.
The NY State ID will be renewed in two years. By that time, I’ll have an old lady picture to replace it. Shit, I thought I was old then. Bahaha! Fuck that! I’ll be 50 in November and I’m damn proud to be a woman of a certain age. Bahaha!
At the bottom left is a Polaroid taken by a man on 125th Street in Harlem. The motherfucker just started snapping pictures of me out of the blue. I told him to hand them over as I didn’t want my head photo shopped onto a naked body.
Me Mummy took the picture of me at bottom right in the family graveyard in Cross roads Virginia. I’m between Grandma Z and her sister Auntie Connie. I’d like to get my filmmaker brother out there to do a zombie movie with me as the star zombie. It’s creepy around those parts.
[Sing along now!] It’s fun to share pictures, share pictures, share pictures, it’s nice to share pictures in the blogosphere with frieeeeeeeeeeeeeennds…
I finally figured out how to make smiley faces with a colon and close parenthesis symbol. After my frustrating search on the wordpress screen for buttons to click that would yield me the yellow orb of idiotic expression, with or without teeth, I looked for clues in the comments section — you guys really like those things in the comments section. I found nothing, after peering at length for any clue that might be hovering around the yellow heads. Scrolling, scrolling downward — I get more comments these days — I spotted it — a naked colon and close parenthesis symbol — what the?! Why, this must be it, I thought. But somehow it didn’t take in this person’s comment box — it didn’t flesh out. Putting my analytical mind to task, I concluded that sometimes having an ellipsis at the end of a sentence interrupts the full fleshing out of these amazing creatures. This poor person may not have known this. I practiced in my own box — as I always do — and — blam! — I got a head. I was so proud of myself because I even figured out if you use the colon and open parenthesis symbol, the reverse, you get a frowny face. But my excitement was muted when I saw that someone had festooned their box with a live animated head, with the ability to open and close their mouth in hideous, mocking laughter. I got over it however because today I figured out how to edit a comment on facebook!
I’m only on the blog and facebook and the twitter for four months. And while I have a twitter account I’m too overwhelmed to use it now. So it just sits there at present. I swore up and down Broadway that I would not succumb to any of it. But I realized that if I would be publishing a homemade book, that I had to do my own sorry-ass piss poor marketing — so the twittering, facebook and blogging it shall be!
I don’t know how to make my Pepto Bismol colored blog look better. I don’t know how to use the widgets. Yesterday I tried to get the Goodreads widget from their site so that readers can click on my book which is advertised on that site. It was frustrating. I left messages for them but they haven’t gotten back to me yet. I am the Luddite so I get frustrated with these technical processes.
I don’t have a camera or even a decent phone to take a half-ass photo of myself – forget about videos! The picture above is one that my brother-in-law took of me and one of my fake sons. My sister emailed it to me today. It was partially cut off. I’m going to Massachusetts to see my sister, her husband and my fake sons. My brother-in-law used to have the camera in my face all the time and I hated it. The pictures he took are of me frowning or shooing him away. Now that this old Luddite has been dragged to the 21st century, and has joined the facebook, the twatter – I mean the twitter, and blogging, I need to have more photographs of me. So I would like for my shutterbug brother-in-law to snap snap away so that I can put photos of me and my fake sons on my social media. Yesterday I was so mad I wanted to throw glass, but I listened to this instead and felt relief: (More sick music for sick people, a phrase that I used for the title of my post the other day – I meant to mention that I didn’t coin that phrase. I don’t like taking credit for shit I didn’t make up.):
I’m one of these. If not for my father telling me to “get with the program” in 1987, I never would have gotten an answering machine. My dear totally-my-hero-Dad from beyond the grave even had power to force me to get with the program. After his death in 2003, I was forced to get call waiting, years after it had been introduced to the public. After his death so many people called, and at that same time I was looking for a job, so I couldn’t have my lines tied up. So, from beyond the grave, my Daddy forced me to “get with the program,” and get call waiting. Think I’m bad? Yesterday, I swear, I talked to a lady who still has a rotary phone.
So here we are in 2012, and I’m finally blogging, way after the idea of blogging began. But fuck that twattering, what is it — that twittering bullshit. I find this blogging medium serves just as well for twittering: that time of month. so hungry, want sugar, fuck food!