Buck Wild

I get buck wild, telling you the things that one should not tell.  The things I blab about people find embarrassing, disgraceful even – or just maybe they’re simply discreet and self-respecting.  Hey, I’m just an open person.  It isn’t about showing off or about me thinking I’m unique because my experiences aren’t unusual.  I’m just stupid enough to run my mouth in public – all I ask is that you respect that.  People may think that I have no shame.

Oh but yes I do.  There are few things that even I wouldn’t open up my big fat mouth for — now, now – that isn’t nice.  These things are very few.  Since I tell you in my blog what’s going on with me, and now I can’t, I have to speak around this issue as it’s therapeutic – ha – for me, and hopefully it inspires a twinge of mystery — ha ha ha!

Just wish me luck on my journey into hell.  Thank you.

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The 7th Circle of Hell

 

I’m the one who should be relegated to the 9^th circle of hell — oh, I meant the 7^th circle.  This region of hell is for those who perpetrate violence against old people.  After two days of tirade against the old lady who charges me with forcing her down a flight of steps with my help, I have shed my defenses.  I went through the stages of feelings and came out on the other end, which includes the understanding of where she might be coming from.  This means putting myself in her shoes (orthopedic).  She’s merely being proactive, yes, in gathering information regarding this farce.  No?  Well, God forbid, some slowly developing crack in her ass should develop as we both landed on our asses when we fell – no, no, another crack — I assume that she has one crack already.  This would be very expensive to repair.  So she might have to sue the organization for medical coverage.  Yeah, that’s, it probably.

Seriously, I hope she’s okay.  It can be dangerous to fall when you’re old.  A lot of old people go rapidly down hill after falling – oh God I’m scared now.  What if she, should…  A-anyway, this incident was educational.  I learned about the dangers of helping a stranger, and I learned how my own self-centered fear had me imagining this poor woman in a boiling pot of oil.

A Pot of Boiling Oil in the 9th Circle of Hell

 

Some of you may have read my post about the shriveled bat that I tried forcibly helping down the steps.  While I actually didn’t force-help Methuselah down the steps, I should have backed off when she said she could crawl to the banister by herself.  To give a summary of that post, ‘blibbity, bop, clop, cloppity, clack, crack’ is the sound we made when we both fell after she linked her arm into mine to accept my ‘forced help’.  I had asked if she was hurt, if she needed an ambulance – no and no she said.  Frankly I thought the shit was kind of funny.  Eh.  But it seems now that this woman is blaming me for her fall — yes, one might perceive that it was my fault, if they want to look at it that way.  This woman had become friendly with me, told me all these stories– so I was concerned when I saw her trying to get down the stairs.  A few days ago I helped another old woman off of the bus — I will never help another old person again, unless they beg!  This old woman is indeed a devious person who will in a matter of minutes, as she’s 200 years old, die and be relegated to a pot of boiling oil in the 9^th circle of hell.  This is all I’ll say.

On a day of hormonal fluctuation and premenopausal body morphing issues, I feel like a big fat dumbass who should have known better.  But guess what?  I was the only one who got the final Jeopardy answer — Taj Mahal bitch!