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France

Published October 16, 2012 by Sandee

Sometimes when I’m anxious about the future, I think about what I have right now, plenty of food, an apartment, a job, clothes, friends, family.  I believe then that I’m completely taken care of.  All I have is now.  Read some zen.  They say that. Tomorrow doesn’t exist, nor does yesterday.  But it’s hard to live in the moment sometimes when there’s so much emphasis on planning the future.  There’s much to do to prepare for the future that would suit you best.  Right?  I also have to deprogram myself from notions in this culture that cause me to have anxiety about my status.

Fuck your gd status.  I have a cousin who broke the mold to do some wild things, after having owned a successful business for years.  Oh why oh why couldn’t I do something like that? — Because you, you’re me, that’s why – oh don’t be confused audience, see, I’m me talking to me, that’s all – I’m also talking to you, just having a conversation with me in front of you.

But like I say, I have food.  The café at the botanical garden where I work gives employees food they haven’t sold.  Everything they make has cheese in it which sucks. However the seductive qualities of cheese helps customers believe that the sandwiches are worth twenty-four dollars and ninety-nine cents.  At times my refrigerator is filled with cheese laden cuisine — quinoa with cheese, couscous with cheese, feta dates and herb salad, tuna and cheese, cheese snack bowls, mozzarella and tomato sandwiches.

I hate not taking free food.  If you eat cheese everyday will you die?  No silly heads – I know we’ll die die.  But I mean like, will I die sooner?  Is eating cheese everyday bad?  Don’t the French eat cheese everyday with wine and cigarettes?  Will I survive the next anxiety attack about my future?  Do you think I should move to France?