Ron Jeremy

All posts tagged Ron Jeremy

Baaad Bunny

Published September 14, 2012 by Sandee

My hateful bunny post the other day was so evil – I had to get on the other side of it.  Carrie also reminded me of needing a balance.  To be whole, one needs balance.  So I thought, Now I’ll write about love.  But what I really want is to write porno.  I haven’t watched porno in ages but I know I could make up something really good.  I’ve never written anything like this before, so it would be an adventure.

I’m just sharing my process, what’s in my head.  Unfortunately I wouldn’t put any porno on my blog.  I don’t have the balls for that.  I know you’re disappointed.  But when I finish writing it, just look for books published under one of these names:  Aysia Marie, Misty Kelly, Harlem Cherry, Angel Black, Shameeka Blue, Tailor Lee Tyler, and Velveeta von Sapen Heusen.  I’m going to be using these pseudonyms.

Have a great weekend and drink responsibly!

Outer-Limits Porn

Published August 25, 2012 by Sandee

I’m thinking of writing porn.  Everyone’s doing it.  But mine would be “outer-limits” porn.  My movie would have canned goods (But absolutely NO can openers!), Brillo pads, coffee filters, extension cords (naughty, eh?), and the entire cast, except for me, would be ninety years old – excluding my grandmother – how dare you imagine that I would allow my grandma to be in such filth!  You might have guessed that I cooked up (cooked up – ha!) this idea while in my kitchen.

I watched a snippet of Don Juan DeMarco with Johnny Depp, Marlon Brando and Faye Dunaway.  Marlon Brando and Faye Dunaway are old in it and they’re married.  There’s a scene with them in bed.  They kissed.  It got me horny.  That’s right — I think old people are hot — forget y’all!  I was mad they didn’t get butt naked.

I’ve written about my WWII veteran friend who’s one sexy bastid.  He’s eighty-six.  He raps, old school, and he killed bad people.  You can’t touch that.

I respect him too much so he can’t be in my movie even though he’s muy hotto and I know he would blow it up.  I just can’t see pimping him like that.  Plus he’s too young.  But I’ll interview some of his friends and some people from the Hebrew Home for the Aged at Riverdale – that’s where grandma is.  And I know oldsters who visit the gallery where I work.

It’ll be a problem if they don’t want to get naked.  But there won’t be animals in this movie for those of you into that kind of thing – blech!  I’ll keep you posted if I decide to do it or not.  Oh yeah, and no oxygen tanks because I’m using blow torches.