Peter Steele

All posts tagged Peter Steele


Published June 22, 2013 by Sandee

When the World Trade Towers were bombed I was devastated because of the thousands of people who were murdered.  We had never experienced anything like this here.  I didn’t eat for a week.  Part of the landscape of my backyard had been destroyed.  Even all the way up from where I was in Harlem that morning, I could see black clouds surrounding the towers.

Later that day, going back to uptown Manhattan where I lived, I trudged by foot for a few miles with hordes of people, because there was no public transportation.  We were surrounded by The National Guard and their automatic weapons.  The air was tight.  When and where would the other shoe drop?  The towers were destroyed and thousands of people on the island had been killed.  We weren’t ‘safe’ here anymore.

I had become attached to the iconic image of the towers as part of the island that I grew up on.  Shortly after, on a flight coming into New York, looking at lower Manhattan and the absence of the towers, I turned away and squinted to keep back tears.

“How dare those motherfuckers come here and blow up the World Trade Towers!”  My father had said.  It was disorienting for me to feel so angry in agreement, since the World Trade Towers represented big business, dirty dealings and everything opposed to what I was about.  (And in some circles, there is still debate on exactly who those ‘motherfuckers’ are.)

On the night of September 11th, hearing the people chant USA, USA! outside my window,  I experienced a shiver of adrenaline and felt further impassioned in my love for my country.

How could I not be in love?  As a child of this country, I was weaned on the ideal fueling trail blazers and freedom fighters for almost every conceivable cause.  I have roots in the south here, and my ancestors were slaves.  I am proud of my people for their resilience and ingenuity with this adversity.  While I am also proud of my African roots, today, as part of the black race, I share a national identity that begins here, in the United States of America.

Despite the fall-out because of the history of slavery, and problems arising from the coming together of all of the different types of people here for freedom, with this country’s history and fortitude, I believe that we have the power to transform ourselves into the leaders in even greater areas.

I don’t usually make comparisons between what it used to be like in this country, and how much better it used to be, because I am black and have segregation and slavery in the past.  But also I don’t look at ‘now’ as necessarily good or bad in comparison to any previous time, because life is just all a process.

Perhaps part of the process began with the surge of people moving from continent to continent with technology so that we could get to the point we are now, merged more closely together.  The United States has been the pioneer in thought and technology in the past.  With this dynamic history, and with more effective communication between the people all over the world, I believe we could develop an even greater ideal to supplant the materialism that has dominated our culture.

I know this is weird but okay, now, this song, well, yes — I’ve always loved it because of the genre —  most people know I’m a hardcore fan.  I like this song despite some of the implications, plus, I was just a huge fool of a fan of Peter Steele.  He was young when he wrote this, so, factor that in — ha!  My appreciation of this song has probably to do with the weird-ass eclectic tastes I developed here as an American — it’s kind of the same way I love that song Sweet Home Alabama:


Published February 26, 2013 by Sandee

Me and Me

For the drama queen in me.  It’s very cathartic.

Peter Steele’s lyrics to Inner Conflict:

Nothing can stop the pain

and nothing can stop the pain

suffering from anxiety

it seems like an eternity

Somebody, somebody kill me

Somebody put me out of my misery

Inner Conflict

Inner Conflict

The pain it only gets worse

and the pain it only gets worse

give up ’cause there is no hope

life is hell when you can’t cope

Somebody, somebody kill me

Somebody put me out of my misery

(My favorite part of the song)

I think I’m losing my fucking mind

Large two inch maggots decorate my vomit

infected eyes oozing pus

acknowledge the stench of human excrement

swamps of mucus prevalent

every hole in my body drips blood

every hole in my body drips blood

every hole in my body drips blood

Hate is fear

I rip at my face in the mirror

death approaching

expiration growing nearer

I’m rotting inside

I’m disgusted with myself

I’m in hell


Published June 4, 2012 by Sandee

I never wanted to spawn.  I have baby’s fathers though.  They’re men I’d be biologically compelled to spawn with:  Jimi Hendrix, Patrice Lumumba, Andre 3000, Nat Turner, D’Angelo…  Forrest Whitaker used to be one but he married a woman who’s too pretty.  He should’ve married a regular-looking sister like the president, to show he has character.  (I’m just jealous.)  Malcolm X can’t be on my list because I respect the marriage that he had – he was righteous!  Of course there is Peter Steele, Rod Serling, Charles Bukowski, Clark Gable and Bill Clinton.  I didn’t mean to list the blacks with the blacks and whites with the whites, I swear!  My list is segregated – oh my!

My one now is Daniel Day Lewis.  I watched There Will be Blood again.  He plays Daniel Plainview in it.  I want to be Daniel Plainview for Halloween.  He’s the meanest, well, besides Nurse Rached.

Shianwrites wrote a cool post on catch phrases.  You should check it out!  To follow-up, here are really mean Mr. Plainview catch phrases, including one video:

–  “I can’t keep doing this on my own with these…people.”  He says it like people are roaches!

–  He says this to his estranged son:  “You’re just a bastard from a basket!  Just a bastard from a basket…”

–  He’s drunk, collapsed, sitting on the floor after beating the simpy minster to death.  His servant comes to witness the bloody scene, and Daniel Plainview yells:  “I’m finished!”  Then the dramatic staccato Brahms’ Violin Concerto in D Major plays – it’s so cool and dramatic!

“Draaaaaaaaainage!  I drink YOUR milkshake!”  Check it out:

Dainiel Day Lewis is a great actor.  I include fictitious characters on my list of baby fawvas too, so Daniel Plainview would normally be on there, but I don’t know if it would work because he hates people.  He’d have to screw me with a bag over my head and through a hole in the sheet — and I’d gladly have him with his mean ass!

R.I.P Peter Steele

Published May 11, 2012 by Sandee

An excerpt from Xero Tolerance, by Peter Steele — a song about unrequited love:

I’ll kill you toniiiighhhht

I’ll kill you toniiiighhhht

I’ll kill you toniiiighhhht

I’ll fuckin’, kill youuuuuuuuuu…

I got a pickax in the trunk of my car

I’ll put it on the grinder to get it real sharp

There’s an ugly green monster in my head

Won’t leave me alone, until you’re dead…

Took some steroids and adrenaline
Finlandia vodka and hallucinogens
Mixed it with blood and orange juice
Liquid protein and ice cubes…

I left out verses in between.  For those who dare – have a lovely listen to the madness below.  But you gotta pump it up – tee hee!  He filled me with the fuel I needed to continue to exist, the early Peter Steele, more than the latter.  I don’t begrudge him for the later things that he did.

I did hate the song that he wrote with a girl named Tawana on welfare.  The song has a German name, for let’s just say the underclass, which has horrible horrible implications – don’t worry, I wrote him a nice letter about it.  At the end of that letter, on the other side of the page I told him to ‘kiss my black ass’.  I wrote it to take up the entire second page.

He wrote me back!  Said my letter was intelligent and that I had great taste in music– my baby was so fucking funny!  His humor surfaced also in his covers of sugary sweet songs from the seventies that he sang in a deep growly voice.

He was darkly humorous.  He said he was misunderstood – people thought he was a neo nazi, people missed the twisted humor of his songs, which were often taken literally. One of his band mates was Jewish.  When I read a very positive review of his album in the Voice, it helped me feel comfortable listening to him because the writer was a woman — he wrote a song which could easily be taken as an offense to women that I absolutely get and love.  He said he was happy that I ‘got him’.

In his letter, he told me he’d slip me some tickets.  I think he said that I should contact him back.  So I wrote him with my phone number.  I came home from work and my telephone rang.  “Can I speak to Sandee Harris please,” the heavy voice said.  I knew who it was.  HE FUCKING CALLED ME!  WE TALKED FOR TWO GLORIOUS HOURS!  From that point on he was mine!

I have three of his albums, but I only listen to Retaliation from when he was with Carnivore, and Slow, Deep and Hard, the album that he made with Type-O-Negative. Peter has helped me over and over, to rage, rage against the metaphorical dying of the light, against an existence predetermined by somebody else.

This morning I listened to Xero Tolerance for inspiration.  The lyrics pulsed through my head during my morning jog:  ‘I’ll kill you toniiiiiiight, I’ll fuckin’ kill youuuu!’  Yeah, I was mad about existence or something like that.  (Hey I do listen to lovey dovey coo coo music too every now and again.)

I’ve mentioned before that I’m a death metal enthusiast.  Peter wasn’t death metal – but he was Death and he was Metal – and he was six foot six!

He was the Gothic Prince that I would ultimately gravitate to in my exploration of darkness (not really a bad negative thing, really).  How do you pay tribute to a man who writes a song called Unsuccessfully Coping with the Natural Beauty of Infidelity? You entitle a collection of stories – and this isn’t a plug, really, otherwise I’d tell you to go out and buy the damn thing — Why Did You Try to Fuck Somebody You Hate?  And Other Mean-Spirited Tales, Told by a Sword-Chinned Bitch.

Thirteen Fun Facts about Sandee:

Published April 22, 2012 by Sandee

  1. Actually read “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” to learn how to win friends and influence people.
  2. Tried to have sex with someone she hated.
  3. When she was 11, her esophagus closed up because of a disease called acalasia.  She has the dubious distinction of having had this rare disease! (But never the distinction of having rare genius, or of being a rare beauty, or of having a rare talent that people pay lots of money for, BUT a RARE DISEASE she surely did have indeed.)
  4. Has been to 30 of the states in the United States of America.
  5. For an hour DJayed at a party with two turntables and a microphone (in which she didn’t speak).
  6. In 1977 she made out for an hour on her parent’s sofa to the eight track tape of Richard Pryor’s “That Nigger’s Crazy.”
  7. She passed out on a bench in Central Park and came to at 3AM with no body parts missing (the only thing missing was her beloved pink earring).
  8. Usually does not enjoy singing.
  9. Talked on the phone for two hours with the late Peter Steele of Type-O-Negative (who said, by the way, that “[she had] a very sexy voice”); he promised to visit the next day but it didn’t happen.
  10. When she fell on financial hardship, received $1500 from her church for rent.
  11. Can mouth the script along with the 1968 movie “Night of the Living Dead.”
  12. Kissed a rapper — in the mouth.
  13. Sang Tom Jones’ “What’s New Pussy Cat” karaoke with a black boa, as a weekly feature at Keenan’s Piano Bar.  Well, maybe not as an actual feature, but as an expected drunken feature rolling on the floor.

Have You Been to a Region Where Certain Fungal Infections Are Common?

Published April 2, 2012 by Sandee


No.  Have you?  And I take umbrage with you mocking my sexual misfortune!  But jokes aside, this, as some may know, is a medical related question asked by one of those pharmaceutical monsters pushing their latest drug for the disease of the hour.  The male voice-over says it along with the list of 459 side-effects that you may get after swallowing the cure for your malediction.  Aha hahahahahahahahaha!

Where’s this region?  They don’t tell me where it is!  What if I’ve been to it?  What happens when I go there and I take this drug?  Fuck!  Certain fungal infections? What kinds of fungal infections could they possibly be referring to?  Oh lord my anxiety disorder is kicking in — I’m scared!  I’ve been to several regions this year but I don’t know if any of them are the ones that I need to be concerned with.

I’ll share the words of the great Peter Steele, may he rest in peace:

Large two inch maggots

Decorate my vomit

Infected eyes, ooze with pus!

Acknowledge the stench of human excrement,

Swamps of mucous prevalent…

Every hole in my body drips blood,

Every hole in my body drips blood,

Every hole, in my body, drips, blood…

So…don’t forget… to take your medicine…