Fleetwood Mac’s Bare Trees is open-ended.
Does it say it’s fine that I’m in bed butt naked, by myself?
Or does it say that you need to get out of your bed, come over here and get in mine?
Fleshing out that idea, we’ll pull the blinds up, watch snow flurries materialize from a peach-colored sky.
It’s a racket! Go ahead — throw money at these people. They just want you to buy all their stuff. A fall wardrobe, winter wardrobe – Oh spring’s here, I need a spring jacket–bah! You can wear that same jacket in spring as in the fall. I ain’t no slave to consumerism! It makes no sense to have all these clothes. Who cares what’s in fashion. Clothes from 1982 cover your ass the same way in 2012.
Yeah I got thirty year old clothes. So I know how holes work in clothes. In shirts, holes start in the arm-pit area. In pants it’s the crotch. Crotch holes were in at one time so people thought I was in style — hehehe. I wear clothes until they fall off. I just had to throw away my grey shirt. The holes in the arm pits were so big that the shoulder part wouldn’t stay on. But I know how to beat the system. When I wear shirts with holes I put jackets over them so no one sees. Sometimes I get compliments on my overall look. These people don’t know I have holes and that gives me the inner titters, like the time I went on an interview wearing a skirt suit with no drawers on.
On occasion I’ll wear a holey shirt straight out in the open. I’ve been doing holes for years. Back in the eighties my boss said they called me ‘corporate militant’ behind my back because I wore runny stockings and holes sometimes. Mme. Weebles will tell you the panty hose industry’s a racket. Oh wait a minute – oh wow — years ago another boss bought me all these clothes – I know sexist, inappropriate, yeah, yeah – anyway, I thought it was because he liked me but now as I’m typing this, I’m thinking maybe it was because he felt sorry for me.
When I want to, I know how to dress up. And, when I do it, I do it right. I have a Persian lamb coat and leather pants that I paid lots of money for. But I’m no fool. I made sure to wear those pants every day since I paid so much for them.
My clothes are like old friends. They know my body better than a one night stand. While I think dressing up can be an art, generally I think getting dressed is a pain in the ass. I’d rather be naked. I’m naked now. My ass by the way is clean. It’s important to be clean when you wear your clothes a couple of days in a row. Oh yeah, and I change my drawers everyday — when I wear them – AND — I always floss. It’s not cool to wear your clothes everyday and have plaque on your teeth at the same time.
“Naked Ass Cake Readings?” — Really?! — I feel like Kyle all psyching people out.
I’m supposed to be writing another book, but I wanted to see first if anyone would care about my first book, over there at the sidebar. Actually I do have a novel called The Unavoidable, copyrighted in the year 2000 — ‘memba the year 2000, it was the future. I really need to hurl that novel out there. They say novels do better than collections of short stories. We’ll see.
I want to do book tours in Manhattan. Have readings. Naked readings. Okay not naked readings, but readings with people other than me reading. Young, beautiful people. Maybe Le Clown would fly down to read with his magnificence, charisma and mind boggling beauty… I have to get copies printed of my book. I’m not up to the task yet. In due time…in due time, as says the Devil in the Exorcist.
I’m spending all my time blogging now and not writing. I should be writing. The last short story I wrote was Why Did You Try to Fuck Somebody You Hate? Well. Why did you?
“Mona! C’mon, get outta here like this!”
“I’m working dammit — can’t you see.”
“You can’t sit at your desk wearing that tiara, butt naked.”
“Why? I do good work and I come in on time, you fucker.”
“It’s against the law! I’m calling the police!”
“Ahahahahaha! You fuckers always get your panties in a bunch. I’m a goddamned good worker who produces good work — I don’t fight coworkers and I always recycle.”
“You think this is a nudist colony?”
“No, do you? You think it’s prison — you think it’s a tribunal — you think it’s a dictatorship — you think it’s your own planet. Kiss my naked ass you sap-sucking son of a bitch!”
“You won’t do it because it ain’t in the protocol. That’s the one thing I hate about you, Fred!”
“Mona, for chrissakes people are coming, please put some clothes on!”
“Mo-naah, for chrissakes people are coming, please put some clothes on. Wah wah, waaahhh! I want my momma — I want my bobo — I want my caca — I want my pee pee — I want my doo doo!”
“You sicken me!”