metal

For the drama queen in me. It’s very cathartic.

Peter Steele’s lyrics to Inner Conflict:

Nothing can stop the pain

and nothing can stop the pain

suffering from anxiety

it seems like an eternity

Somebody, somebody kill me

Somebody put me out of my misery

Inner Conflict

The pain it only gets worse

and the pain it only gets worse

give up ’cause there is no hope

life is hell when you can’t cope

Somebody, somebody kill me

Somebody put me out of my misery

(My favorite part of the song)

I think I’m losing my fucking mind

Large two inch maggots decorate my vomit

infected eyes oozing pus

acknowledge the stench of human excrement

swamps of mucus prevalent

every hole in my body drips blood

Hate is fear

I rip at my face in the mirror

death approaching

expiration growing nearer

I’m rotting inside

I’m disgusted with myself

I’m in hell

I read an interview featuring Glen Benton of Deicide on the MetalSucks blog. I’ve been a death metal fan for a long time, but I’m still a little superstitious about groups who wear upside down crosses (There is a group called Upside Down Cross that I really like.), and claim to be satanists and stuff like that. Glen Benton had an upside down cross burned into his forehead. I had one of Deicide’s albums, went through a phase where I thought the energy was too dark and stopped listening to it. I had also stopped listening to my Morbid Angel album because of the anti-Christ thing. And I’m not religious in the least, though I am spiritual, which I hate to say because it’s a common thing to say. I said that these groups gave me the heebie jeebies because of superstition about the dark energy, but really, I just wondered about people who were religious in this upside down kind of way, and if they really espoused evil. If so, I don’t think that’s very nice – this is the bottom line I suppose, about my shying away from them.

I have death metal programmed on my internet radio station and they play Deicide’s Confessional Rape. The song rejuvenates the shit out of me. It makes me imagine myself riding a black horse through the forest at a furious speed, while chopping off the heads of my enemies with a scythe. OMG am I espousing evil!? The song has nothing to do with this kind of imagery however. I wonder if I’m too old for this shit. I went to an Obituary concert two years ago and had a stiff neck for two days from banging my head.