(Warning: Adult content. Also, as Gfb always says, pointless.)
There’s a sensationalistic sound-effect in The Night of the Living Dead that’s louder than the sound of the rest of the movie — the part when the zombie eats the bug off the tree and when the zombies eat the dead people, pulling flesh off of the bone with their teeth.
George Romero amps up the slurpy, chewing sound — a great grade b horror movie gross-out effect. He blots out all other sound in the movie and puts emphasis on this. You hear zombies grind up every bit of bug and chew every sinew in all its juicy goodness.
I thought of something they might have used to make this particular sound.
When I was a teenager – a friend said she heard a man masturbating in the staircase. I said, “How do you hear someone masturbate?” She began making rhythmic slurpy chewing sounds with her mouth. It was hilarious!
Wouldn’t it be rad, a big fat joke on the audience, if I made a zombie movie and had sound effects from an unorthodox source, let’s say like the one my friend talked about and maybe also the female version, or any variation or combination (wink, wink) on that?
We’d have people in the studio masturbating with the mike right there. In my movie, The Zombies of Sandor, the zombie-eating sound-effects would all be from masturbation and stuff.
It’d be…like an art movie! The sound effect of somebody getting slapped in the face would actually come from somebody in the studio getting slapped in the face with a penis.
Oh why Sandee couldn’t you just use someone actually chewing into a microphone for the eating sound effect? Be-cause, I say, just be-cause.
The Electric Company video I originally wanted to show isn’t available, so the next option was playing this other video from the program. Rita Moreno’s in it with Morgan Freeman. Here Rita Moreno does one of her looney bin performances that I love. They’d have made a nice couple. Morgan Freeman wasn’t Morgan Freeman yet in this.
This show’s older than this artist I talked to today. I have clothes older than this artist. I think I could develop a crush on him but he’s young enough to be my son, which leads me to tell you of my first plan.
The Electric Company had a Punctuation Song. In high school I made up lyrics to that melody about masturbation. I was going to post my lyrics under a video of the Punctuation Song, but couldn’t find it and found the Rita Moreno one instead. Also I realized that the lyrics to my masturbation song might be too nasty, slutty, hoey, skanky. Btw I love the relationship that I’m having with myself lately. Yeah, this guy took me there — a little — he had more elements of an intellectual but see that turns me on. I suppose that’s how I wound up thinking of the masturbation song.
Here’s this other video that’s cute as hell. MF’s all wiry and RM’s such a pistol:
I hate the little twerp. Sometimes. It’s an interesting and stilted chemistry, so I’m baffled at the goodies he yields me, when he’s not there, for intervals of five minutes – bastard! What a paradox. That sexy prick. The pheromonal reaction of our chemistry is involuntary. But it doesn’t put me off. I’m cool. He won’t know. There were guys who seemed perfect, but I had to force a reaction, and wound up thoroughly disappointed.
Deep incongruities between us keep a functional distance with regard to this issue. There’s no way in Hades I could find myself emotionally dependent on him. I don’t suffer from dilated pupils or rapid breathing around him; but I do harbor that affection that makes an episode like this partly possible. I don’t actually need him in order to take care of my business. The imagery he inspires is that cake in the refrigerator at home that I think of at work. I come home and I kill it.