Madonna

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Robert Altman’s That Cold Day in The Park

Published September 10, 2012 by Sandee

A woman sees a man sitting on a park bench from the window of her posh apartment across the street.  She peers through the curtains in the dining room while her guests prepare for the fine cuisine that her servants have cooked.  She’s distracted throughout dinner, staring off into nothing, making excuses to get up to see the young man on the bench.  It rains but the man remains sitting there. The woman becomes agitated.  “That man out there, he’ll be soaked,” she says to her guests.

When they leave, she goes out with an umbrella, introduces herself and invites him to stay with her.  She feeds him a fine dinner and a pineapple cake she made herself, plays music for him and offers him up her tub for a bath. The man plays mute the entire time so she runs her fucking mouth – it’s Sandy Dennis with some weird accent that sounds like one of those stars, Tina Turner, Madonna, who’re enamored by the foreign and effect some bizarre rendition of European accent. The movie is in Vancouver and though I’ve never been there I don’t think they talk like this.

Eventually Sandy Dennis takes the boy prisoner and invites a prostitute to have sex with him.  She kills the prostitute and tries to soothe him, telling him that everything’s okay even though the windows and doors are bolted and he can’t get out.  Tears stream down his face while the credits roll and she strokes his face, kissing him and whatnot in an extreme close up.

I loved this movie soooooo much when I was a kid!  It haunted me something awful.  I found it bizarre and transporting.  It’s not on Netflix so I had to watch it on youtube in segments which is straight up wack!  I wondered why it wasn’t on Netflix so I looked for reviews – it’s a Robert Altman film – I loved 3 Women by the way.  Robert Altman’s good right?  Well, everyone hated the film, called it psychosexual nonsense blah blah blah – what killjoys!  I give the movie 10 stars because Sandy Dennis is a weirdo and I liked the Vancouver scene because you don’t get to see it much in movies and I like that she took somebody prisoner in her posh apartment.  Roger Ebert can kiss my butt with his bad review.

My Lame Ass Movie Review

Published March 31, 2012 by Sandee

 

Wanna know in what movie white folks say ‘nigger’ five-hundred and ninety-nine thousand times?  In Tennessee Williams’ ‘Baby Doll’.  The black people sit around playing blues on harmonica, propped on trees, shaking their idle heads at crazy ‘ol white folks.  Carl Malden’s character is the big fool in the movie.  Eli Wallach is in it too, a Jew playing an Italian, or a ‘wop’, as is also loosely expressed in the movie.  Carol Baker (one of those sexy flat-chested woman I refer to in my other blog) is Baby Doll.  All three — great actors.

And I fucking loved this movie!   It’s well-acted and has a great script.  It’s risqué, original and more importantly genuine.  There’s an underlying context with all of these black folks in the periphery.  They’re a running commentary on the idiocy that occurs in the film.  And their presence is 100% authentic.  I don’t give a flyin’ fuck about the prolific use of the word nigger – in that region in that era, this is the way that the people spoke.  In the movie there are some blacks in action, working, but mostly they just sit around looking simple.  But there are white folks sitting around looking just as simple.  Oh my, and what about that character, Aunt Rose Comfort?  If she isn’t simple, I don’t know what simple is.  Boy, she was a trip!  And Carl Malden’s buffoonish character (buffoon, my favorite word) could certainly be labeled a smear on southern-hood for those quick to say something’s a stereotype.

In the context of the movie it all works.  But this kind of language, ill-placed in a badly constructed film would be offensive.  Which brings me to the pretentious director, Madonna’s ex, whasisname, uh, Ritchie, Richard, oh yes, Guy Ritchie… Yes, Guy Ritchie and Madonna please beat me over the head with the “ironic” idea that you’re so hip and naughty by going to a Halloween party in a priest and nun costume – come on.  I’m afraid so many people are blinded by what they think they should like, and by media trends, that they thought it was hip.

Guy Ritchie’s movie, ‘Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels’ did everything it could to cover up the fact that he really wanted to say that black people are stupid, disorganized and not even smart enough to pull off a crime.  I saw it so long ago that I don’t remember the whole thing, besides, it was a piece of shit.  My boyfriend and I looked at each other at one point and shook our heads.  I said, “We should leave,” he agreed, and we left in the middle of it.  Now, THIS is a movie black folks should be offended by.  Guy Ritchie, this kind of a person is the scariest kind.  After this movie, and knowing that Guy Ritchie operates from a place of entitlement with regard to this “hip” illusion, I will never see another one of his movies again.  He’s one contriving motherfucker.  I don’t go to a movie, concert, museum or read a book to be told by the artist what to think and what the work is about.  If you need that to happen, go to my boy Guy Ritchie, because he’s thoroughly inauthentic, because he sucks like that!