Halle Berry

All posts tagged Halle Berry

Raowr!

Published February 3, 2013 by Sandee

cheetah

I’m a brown-skinned black woman with kinky hair, but people have told me that I look like white women.  It’s weird.  Years ago in a salon, a woman pointed at a white model in Vogue.  “You look like her,” she said.  The model wore a grey fur vest, a fur hat and Cossack boots – she had her foot up on a stoop.  Odd, but I saw it.

Once a woman squinted and said, “I know this is weird, but you look like this white woman on As the World Turns.”  At least she knew it was weird.

Last weekend I met three women — one said, “You look like Ali McGraw!”  Her friends said, “You do look like Ali McGraw.”  How bizarre, I thought, but Googled her and saw why they might see a resemblance.

People have said that I look like black women too.  Imagine that.

Someone said that I looked like Pam Grier.  For those who know her, look at that picture and take two guesses why I don’t look like no Pam Grier.

Pam Grier -- Ba-hahaha!

My mom says I look like Halle Berry.  But she’s my mom, so we’ll let that one slide.  Aside from that body, I don’t think she’s all that anyway.

Years ago people said that I looked like Shari Belafonte.  My dentist thought so.  “Shari Belafonte with bad teeth, huh,” I said.  He didn’t think it was funny.  Maybe he thought I insulted his dental work?

Way back my boyfriend approached, pointing — “Know what you look like?  An a-cheetah!”  What did he know from cheetahs living in the city?  I was also momentarily stunned because he had said, do you know “what” you look like.  Two other guys also said that I looked like a cheetah, but said it correctly.

I have moles all over my face and a round head?  I move like a cheetah?

I love looking like a cheetah.  Raowr!  I just wish I could run like a cheetah and not like I’m wearing a loaded diaper.

I could see Shari Belafonte and the cheetah right off the bat.

But I prefer looking like a cheetah, because when you look like a celebrity you’re relegated to being mini-me.  You’re an ersatz version of them.

I saw a stuffed cheetah at the Museum of Natural History.  That place seems so dusty and old – old in a bad way, like there’s still asbestos padding the walls.  I stared at the cheetah for a while.  I imagined patting that cheetah and clouds of dust coming out of it.

What creatures of the wild kingdom do you resemble?

My Expert Findings on Face Book Narcissism

Published August 31, 2012 by Sandee

As two-bit philosopher, psychologist, herbologist, pharmacologist, and proctologist, I find narcissism on facebook, riveting, repellent, nauseating.  Fascinating.  I’m self absorbed too, and if I had a camera I’d take pictures of my half ass looking ass every 58 minutes.  Wait ‘til they see this picture of me in front of the bathroom mirror with smoky eyes!  No!  I would NOT do this to y’all, so why are you doing it to meeee?!  I do enjoy looking at photos of you from time to time.  I just don’t need to be saturated with pictures of you in 27 different poses on a rock.

Physical narcissism isn’t limited to people who actually look good.  Nope.  Uh uh.  I don’t even like too many pictures of pretty people, because at some point the reason they’re taking all those damn pictures begins to taint their image, and they start looking a little warped.

But there are some, dragons, out there whose mamas told them they were beautiful – and they believed them.   So it becomes their mission to use facebook to force this belief on us, to convince us of their mama’s — LIES.

Woo woo woo, wooka momma’s wittoo babeeeeeeee, tees toe toot!  Ain’t she the sweetest little potato a pie?  Mama told you that you looked like Halle Berry but you look like a goddamned wolf in the prairie — Arwooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!