The pictures my sister took of me look like ass. I asked her to please not post them on fb. Oh, oh, but I’m just waiting for this one that she has to cyber-process or whatever that technical thing you non-Luddites do to turn a picture taken from an IPhone or a Uphone whatever, and transroll it into an email to send to me. It is a picture of my ass – no not naked. I’m wearing pants. ‘Memba, I said I wanted to take a picture of it to see how big it was after eating all that cake? Aw man you didn’t read my post did you? That’s okay. But when she finishes processing, depending on how I feel about it, I’ll post it! ‘kay?
[No transition whatsoever]
When I started blogging I thought all I had to do was write, lay back and collect followers. Whew! Blogging is a lot of damn work. I had no motherfucking idea! I also had no idea that it’s a community, a community of distinct personalities. I didn’t know there’d be so many of you out there. I went on the blog to tell people about my book, but it’s turned out to be fun! I’ve met some groovy people whose blogs I really dig. I don’t ever have to go out and socialize again – I can stay totally hermetically sealed in my apartment talking to you all in here forever…
Actually read “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” to learn how to win friends and influence people.
Tried to have sex with someone she hated.
When she was 11, her esophagus closed up because of a disease called acalasia. She has the dubious distinction of having had this rare disease! (But never the distinction of having rare genius, or of being a rare beauty, or of having a rare talent that people pay lots of money for, BUT a RARE DISEASE she surely did have indeed.)
Has been to 30 of the states in the United States of America.
For an hour DJayed at a party with two turntables and a microphone (in which she didn’t speak).
In 1977 she made out for an hour on her parent’s sofa to the eight track tape of Richard Pryor’s “That Nigger’s Crazy.”
She passed out on a bench in Central Park and came to at 3AM with no body parts missing (the only thing missing was her beloved pink earring).
Usually does not enjoy singing.
Talked on the phone for two hours with the late Peter Steele of Type-O-Negative (who said, by the way, that “[she had] a very sexy voice”); he promised to visit the next day but it didn’t happen.
When she fell on financial hardship, received $1500 from her church for rent.
Can mouth the script along with the 1968 movie “Night of the Living Dead.”
Kissed a rapper — in the mouth.
Sang Tom Jones’ “What’s New Pussy Cat” karaoke with a black boa, as a weekly feature at Keenan’s Piano Bar. Well, maybe not as an actual feature, but as an expected drunken feature rolling on the floor.