My tooth was extracted. The trauma has subsided — the excruciating pain, the nausea from the medication… The dentist gave me prescriptions, extra gauze, and two whole sheets of instructions. Among other things, for the first day I was forbidden to blow my nose, open my mouth widely, or play wind instruments. Dang, no wind instruments. Question. Is a penis a wind instrument?
Okay look I need $50,000. My teeth are rotten. I’m being dramatic — they’re not ALL rotten, but I do have teeth issues from a childhood illness. I’m lucky since my teeth have always looked okay, and I don’t have halitosis. Ironically, when your teeth are really fucked up you take good care of them, flossing and brushing constantly — I should probably say, that after you find out how fucked up they are, you scramble to ‘make it right.’ But as I say, mine aren’t like this because of neglect, they’re like this because of the achalasia that I had as a child, the disease that I was given because that’s the way life is — fuck! Okay so achalasia is when your esophagus closes up, and it’s a rare disease. This is a great. I have this distinction. I won’t get into details because I might have to take out that self-pity violin. But couldn’t the hell I have been some other rare GREAT thing, like a rare talent or genius???? (I discussed this in another post.) When you spend a third of your life in dental surgery, it puts more focus on your teeth. I tell the dentist ‘Why don’t you just yank ’em all out — give me fake ones? I’m sick of this shit.” The dentist says, “Oh but you take such good care of your gums.” You see too, I thought if I had them yanked out, my boyfriend would favor that — ya know ‘ot ay mean? Wink wink. For now I just fancy myself as a 19th century street whore, or a pirate. Arrgh! You see back in the day if you had weak teeth and no money, while you were essentially fucked, you just kept on hooking, kept on pirating.
Send donations to repair Auntie Grandma Sandee’s rotten ass teeth to:
The Land of Make Believe
New York City, New York
P.S. I’m off to the dentist on the morrow! Wish me luck mateys!