corn

All posts tagged corn

Why Thanksgiving Exhausts Me

Published November 24, 2013 by Sandee

I love my relatives and friends, and I am grateful to have them, but I prefer not visiting them on Thanksgiving.  I don’t need to get into that old ass argument about what the holiday really means, because really who gives a fuck.  Everybody wants food, and everybody wants a holiday.  Period.  So it’s not going away, despite periodic bleatings of ‘protest’ – something about the Native Americans giving the gift of corn to the white man, who pays him back disproportionately in mass murder.

Thanksgiving exhausts me.  You wind up traveling fifty-hundred hours to grandma’s house, over the river and through the woods.  You get there and it’s hot as hell from all the burners going, and this makes me sluggish, as the winter boots, socks and sweater that I wore to keep me warm on the way are totally superfluous at this point.

The worst part of it is the food.  You can’t tell by looking at me, but I don’t really like food.  I’m still waiting for those food pills of the future from the Jetsons to be invented.  Food has too many demands.  I hate having to stop what I’m doing to eat it, and I don’t like making a big deal out of shopping, planning meals, cooking, washing dishes — I am a good baker though, and that’s because I like cake.  It’s probably politically incorrect for me to say this but I don’t give a shit – generally, I’m afraid of food.

A hot house filled with the olfactory overload of food — jammed to the gills with all this stuff we don’t need to be eating, gives me complex feelings.  Really on Thanksgiving, under the guise of celebrating gratitude, we’re really celebrating gluttony.  Thanksgiving is a ‘heavy’ holiday — the demands of travel, the heat of the burners and oven filling the house, the exhaustion from watching the host bust their ass sweating and carrying all those trays, the claustrophobia you get from the excess of food filling every crack and crevice, having to help the host clear the table and wash dishes — having to rush back home again because the next day I usually have to go to work; and finally, going to bed with a bloated gut.

In conclusion, I hope that this post doesn’t cause my loved ones to disinvite me to Thanksgiving dinner.

Sweet Corn!

Published November 1, 2012 by Sandee

They said to buy canned goods for the hurricane.  The only canned food I buy is Goya Black Bean soup to put in my quinoa.  I bought a bunch of canned foods for 9/11, and for a couple of other hurricane scares.  The cans got bloated after while so I threw them out.  I usually just eat quinoa everyday because I’m like that.  I eat it with steamed vegetables.  It makes life less complicated to eat the same thing everyday.  I can think clearer.

For this hurricane I didn’t go crazy.  I bought two cans of soup, two cans of sardines, a can of sweet corn, a box of matches, a gallon of water, a Jesus candle and the regular groceries I usually buy.  I stood in the canned vegetables aisle and zoomed right in on the sweet corn.  Arthur from The King of Queens yelled “Sweet corn” once because he was amazed at something.

I forget that I like corn.  I had corn on the cob from the food co-op summer before last.  It was delicious.  We used to eat canned corn when I was a kid.  My mother put butter on it.  My grandmother made corn pudding.  Mmm mmm!  I put the corn in my quinoa yesterday.  Isn’t corn good roughage? – I don’t know.  But corn isn’t in my regular diet.  One of those misguided fanatics told me once in addition to the perils of eating ‘swine’ that I shouldn’t eat corn or lima beans because they’re fake food.  What?!!!  Maize is fake food??!

Speaking of fake food — while in the canned food aisle I looked at the Spam.  Hell no – I will not eat Spam.  It’s good though.  But every once in a while I will buy some really crappy shit like Fluff, or deviled ham – I mean like maybe once every six years – for nostalgia’s sake.  When I was a kid, we ate that shit sometimes.  But my family grew into consciousness about shitty food in the mid-seventies.  The Entenmann’s section had only three cakes left in it today – they cleaned that out before the hurricane.