coffin

[I tried scanning a picture of a crab I took on a Jamaican beach but my scanner doesn’t want to work. So I inserted ‘ol faithful up there instead.]

I’m moving like a crab. Sideways. I’m dragging my ass about reading the proof copy of my book to check formatting issues.

I have an agenda. I need to finish reading so that I can order copies to take with me to readings; then I have other things to take care of. (Ooo, mysterious right?)

The last few months have been a whirlwind. I never ever wanted to go on facebook and I would never have considered blogging. I’ve participated in both for my marketing effort. If it weren’t for my book and blog I wouldn’t be on facebook. Facebook is, well it’s…I won’t go there. It’s everything I thought it would be and worse. Even though I get caught up in the madness myself. I’ve learned a lot about people from facebook. I keep swearing I’ll disable my account once my marketing effort is exhausted — whatever that means — but that would be stupid.

I promised to put all that I could behind publishing my book then move on. I think I might be moving slowly because I’m afraid of the other side, that it will be anticlimactic. I feel the opposite of that stupid song I hate from the eighties, where the guy says “My future’s so bright. I need to wear shades.” I don’t like the song but I wish I could say what he said — I feel like my future’s so dark, I need to get in a coffin.

I like that I am moving forward despite misgivings though. But I’m moving forward through bug laden molasses, sideways like a crab. I do indeed look forward to getting to the other side so that I can take care of other things in my life. I ain’t gettin’ no younger!

My train ride wasn’t so hellish today. There was a mummy with her baby on there. It was screeching. It looked like a monkey – oh it was so, cute! I looked at it and smiled. Its mummy fed it crackers. I was calm and giving out good vibrations because of it. I don’t enjoy the trains they usually have on the A line because the doors at either end are locked. They make me feel like I’m in a coffin. The train I was on today was an old one. These trains have doors that open on either end so you can walk through them to the next car, or take a piss between them. Years ago on my way back from The Bottom Line with my boyfriend and another couple, I had to pee. We were drunk. On one of these trains, we all went between the cars, so that they could guard me so I could pee unseen. It was winter and freezing cold between the cars. They sang while I pissed, “Don’t freeze your booty hole!” Good times…good times…

So it was nice, having to do this difficult errand and being given a big old silver train to ride. I listened to the baby screeching and looked at different passengers. The man across from me had a horrible patch of psoriasis on his arm, but I said, hey, I have a rash on my arm too, from food allergies, I’m guessing. I must take care of it soon. There was a nice-looking woman wearing a short skirt and some old scraped up red leather wedge shoes. The shoes were cool looking, high. The wedge part was red leather as well and the toe part was like a pump shoe. The rest of the woman’s clothes weren’t beaten up, only the shoes were. She allowed me to look at her – she didn’t look back defensively, or give off a ‘why is this bitch looking at me vibration.’ So I looked at the monkey baby, the man with the rash and the lady with the red shoes between thinking about my mission. When the train pulled into 59^th Street, the man sitting next to the woman in the red shoes told her that he liked her shoes too! It was good to see that somebody else ‘got’ that kind of a look.