Brigitte’s post on astrology made me think of my sad history with being a Scorpion. My parents used Linda Goodman’s astrology book as a child rearing tool. Not cool. They put me in a box and treated me a certain way because of my sign, whether or not I actually exhibited any of the traits. Oh, she’s refusing to eat her asparagus — she’s a strong-willed Scorpion child. She’ll grow up to be a doctor because she’s fearless and focused. We’ve got to punish her more because she’s so stubborn.
Not! As I began reading astrology books, I thought, wow, Scorpions are badass. I’m not worthy. So I’ll just act the way Linda Goodman says we are in the book. It backfired. She said Scorpions have a penetrating stare. So I stared, penetratingly, at people. It was weird. I loved the idea of getting revenge on all my little friends who had fucked me over, and Scorpions are known for revenge. Right? I thought that it was my job to get revenge on people because I was a Scorpion. Well, any lame attempt that I made to get any earth-shattering revenge generally backfired – the people that I thought I was revenging didn’t know that they were being revenged. And Scorpions are not supposed to be afraid of anything. I was afraid of every fucking thing.
From the age of eight on I suffered from a disease called achalasia. I became malnourished and couldn’t focus in school. I was in special progress classes so became more intimidated because of my inability. If my parents had known what to do, they would have done it. I think my youthful parents and the disease did a lot to undermine my situation. They didn’t have the resources to mentor me and to interact in a way that would nurture my natural personality. While they gave me a brilliant childhood, my adolescence suffered because of the shortcomings. Feeling the burden of being a Scorpion, I was unworthy. My self-esteem suffered.
But as an adult who has found herself at the end of the journey, hell yeah, don’t mess with me – I got my mojo back. No, I’m just finally experiencing my true nature. I remember the two Scorpion types that Linda Goodman described, the grey lizard and the eagle. Despite my effort to deprogram myself from my parent’s rearing on this, I believe I had been a grey lizard, a seething envious, imploding sort. As an adult, I’m definitely the phoenix, or the eagle, and I do see a lot of the traits of Scorpio in me. Though I always thought I was Aquarius rising, I had my chart done, and everything was in Scorpio. I’ve been told I’m intense. I still don’t like being judged by my sign. Don’t think that I’m refusing to eat my asparagus just because I’m a Scorpion. But I do share a birthday with Danny DeVito and Martin Scorsese – kick ass!