20th century

Warning: the content below, as relayed by my 86 year old friend M, may be considered offensive.

“The dozens ain’t my game but the way I f**k your ma is a goddamned shame.”

“I took your father in my car, and I beat your ma. Now you know who you are my son, my son.”

I’ve written about M before. We’re friends. He visits the botanical garden where I work. He was in WWII. I had asked if he had PTSD from the war, from killing people. M’s Jewish. He says to me, “I tried to kill as many of those motherfuckers as I could!” I asked him to stop right there because he was getting me hot. Some of you may have heard me say that I have been turned on by a 90 year old man. This is him, though he’s really 86. I like extremes so I round it off. He has soft hands and likes to touch my face – don’t say il! He has good genes. He’s spry, cute, funny as hell, he exercises, and still has sex. He says it wipes him out for days after however. He comes to the botanical garden where I work with different women – cute, 70 something year olds with nice shapes. I don’t get jealous. I just hope they’re not jealous of me, because he comes to see me in the gallery to tell me different things.

He told me those lyrics above yesterday. I said, “That’s hip hop M!” “Yeah well, where do you think hip hop came from?” He says. He went to school in the South Bronx in the 1940s. The school he went to was half black and white. I was surprised, although I did see a dead relative’s year book with half black and white people from back then. Wow. M had black friends. He told me stories yesterday from the days of yore, and how he learned those lyrics up there. He used to get into a lot of fights too. I am totally crushing on M.

What’s that age where it’s okay for women to talk about how hot they used to be or to talk explicitly about sex in mixed company? There’s an age where nobody gives a crap anymore, like that crazy old lady at the barbecue who takes her titties out and says “C’mere, suck on these!” She’s the life of the party, the quirky old drunk broad. She’s not a threat to any of the women and nobody wants to fuck her so it’s okay if she says “I used to be a beautiful woman long ago who’s had sex with many many many many men, and boy what I would pay to suck your dick!” “Oh boy, your Auntie Sandee’s a riot T! She must have been something else back in the 20^th century!” “Yeah, we know.” 23 skidoo!