The Star of the Porno Downstairs

Published January 25, 2015 by Sandee

I was nervous about who might be moving in after the neighbors under me moved. They were quiet.

I listen to hardcore. But I have rules. I listen for only an hour at the level where somebody might hear it, and not before 10am or after 10pm. I also walk barefoot, and lightly.

We have to be reasonable about apartment life. You expect to hear vague rumblings of movement. Maybe you’ll hear people screwing.

People would tell me how they heard neighbors screwing. I never did, until now.

Finally, a month after the great neighbors below me moved, someone moved in. After a week I thought, Gee, he masturbates loudly.

While exercising lying on the floor, I heard his usual loud crying out. I pressed my ear to the floor. Gasp! I heard the woman!

This couple below me fuck almost every day!

And he’s loud for a dude! Usually you just hear the chick. I had a guy once who screamed like he was being murdered. The inflection of his screaming wasn’t sexual where it trails off ecstatically. It was more like a blood curdling scream.

I had to know what this new couple looked like.

But the nerve of this guy coming up to my apartment at 9:30pm on the weekend to complain about my music. It wasn’t that loud, for chrissake.

He knocks on my door. I’m naked and can’t open it.

Yes, I say through the peephole.

I’m your neighbor downstairs.

It’s the “fucking” guy! You need me to turn my music down?

Yeah.

Okay. I’m sorry. Goodnight, I says.

I tried getting a look at him through the peephole. I saw he was wiry. I had missed the opportunity to meet the star of the porno downstairs. Hey – I’ll throw on clothes and go down there – apologize about not opening the door – I’ll say I want to properly introduce myself.

So I knock on his door — and the “fucking” guy – he did what I had done and didn’t open his door.

Hi, just wanted to say I didn’t mean to be rude by not opening the door. I was getting ready to shower before, which is why I couldn’t open the door, I lie.

He tells me through the peep hole, Oh yeah, me too, now.

Uh, okay — have a good night, I says.

The “fucking” guy was probably naked and getting ready to fuck again.

I did meet him in the elevator last week and properly introduced myself. It was great! He wasn’t bad looking.

I think I might’ve finally met his girl too. Yesterday I got on the elevator with a red head. We said hello then she got off on the floor below mine and walked in the direction of the line I’m in – that had to be her!

Now, it’s white noise to me – sort of – I guess – unless I’m having a spell, you know.

I suppose I should “get a life.”

 

 

Advertisements

26 comments on “The Star of the Porno Downstairs

  • Love this post. Love your tags.
    I don’t live in NYC anymore, but I retain the ability to NOT listen…which my new-to-apartment-living neighbors have not developed…when they complain (not about me and my boys—we know how to be reasonably quiet) I just…say nothing.

  • I’m glad you enjoyed the post — I wondered if it’d be too raunchy — me, wondering if something’s too raunchy — hahahaha! I’m always happy that people pay attention to the tags — sometimes I like to make them ridiculous on purpose 🙂

    A wise thing not to say anything to your neighbor. Sometimes people just need to let off steam. It might be exhausting to explain your point of view in that situation, I think.

  • Sounds like (damn, pardon the pun) you have a “life” in reality and a beauty of one inside your head, disappointed in that i didn’t ‘hear’ of the menage invite . . . Yet

    • I know, right?! I think the fact that the “fucking” man was actually at my doorstep kinda overshadowed everything — I didn’t think of some of his own ‘transgressions’ — hahahaha!

  • This makes me wish I lived in an apartment. It’s fascinating….figuring shit out about the neighbors. I think your best bet is to listen to fucking music, it will create harmony.

    Bises,
    Dawn

    • You know, Dawn — I was thinking, in fact, about what kinds of people they might be — what kind of relationship they have etc., in the vein of ‘figuring shit out about the neighbors’. I do indeed wonder about a few of them — some of the ones I don’t know. And you know me, fucking music is hardcore music — all the way — hahahaha!

  • Why go out and “get a life” when the one that comes to you is so interesting? Next time you hear them in flagrante, you might consider going down and asking them to be a little more quiet since you can hear them over your Death Metal. 🙂 (Just kidding!)

    • Hahahaha! I should really do that, Mary — and say just that: “You know, I can hear you guys fucking over my loud ass death metal and that means you’re making too much damned noise!”

  • I know I’ve fallen behind on my blog-reading recently, but there are core people I do read and you’re one so how the hell did I miss this post?!?

    You and I think alike: “The “fucking” guy was probably naked and getting ready to fuck again.” Every so often I can hear people around my hovel having sex, too. One was my only real friend in my building, a gay guy named Paul, who lived one apartment over and a floor below mine. It was summer and he had some guy over and they were going at it. Paul had his window open. I casually mentioned to him that I heard him fucking. He seemed alarmed. I didn’t care and I pointed out that it was summer and it was hot. But he made me very conscious of my own canoodling. I’ve had a few loud gf’s over here through the years, but most of them are not the types inclined to break the sound barrier. I appreciate that. The hostile guy who died in my building who lived directly under my apartment never had anyone over. He used to whack off loudly. I found that pathetic. It kinda blows my mind that your neighbors would gripe about your music considering that you’re a veteran practitioner of apartment etiquette. You might want to crank up your stereo when they’re banging loudly.

  • It’s crazy I’m just experiencing hearing this — you’ve had a couple of experiences already — wow! It’s funny that I had thought that it was just a guy down there wanking off and I thought the same as you that it was kinda pathetic — not that he was wanking but that it was so loud and he was alone — hahaha! Because we aren’t friends, I wouldn’t mention it, however — but I might just take your advice and crank up my music if I’m feeling a certain way 🙂 I did have a guy I was friendly with who pointed out that he had heard me having sex 😉 But now, after hearing these folks downstairs I’m thinking I don’t think I want people to hear me and if I feel like screaming, cursing and throwing things while screwing, maybe I should take my lover and go fuck in the woods — hahaha!

  • You are killing me today, Sandee! The “fucking” guy, ha. He was being a little stubborn about his door. Maybe he would like your kissed a killer song or it would go well with his sex encounters. Or, perhaps you could play it loudly when they’re at it! You need to write a story about this one.

    • I really think he was naked when I went down there — I think it’s the reason he complained — but you know he didn’t really get to say anything so I don’t know how he would’ve phrased it because as soon as I saw him at my door and he said he was the guy downstairs I was so excited that the “fucking guy” was here that I spoke so quickly saying immediately “You need me to turn my music down.” He said yes, but who knows what else he would’ve said or how he would’ve phrased it. I had played streaks of this type of music before without his complaining which led me to believe that perhaps this time, given my hour streak, he wanted me to shut it down so that he could have a great “session” — hahahaha! Boy oh boy day before yesterday, I think they went at it three times in one day and good god he was loud! Last night I heard them again and almost stomped on the floor but I really don’t believe that’s cool to do — it would cause hostility, etc. and we’re too close for comfort. Oh well….

        • It’s just in apartment living, you don’t want to be living with hostility — if I have a problem, I always try being diplomatic about it — I just had to complain about other new neighbors who had their tv too loud — she was so nice and said she’d move it to the other side of the room. I told her, please let me know if my tv or music’s too loud — they say you should always make it a two way street not to appear like an asshole or to make a hostile environment. As far as the other neighbors, other than the screwing the they’re not so bad, so far.

  • Comment?

    Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

    WordPress.com Logo

    You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

    Twitter picture

    You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

    Facebook photo

    You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

    Google+ photo

    You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

    Connecting to %s

    %d bloggers like this: