I’m too old for this shit

Published March 3, 2014 by Sandee


You’ve seen those Buzzfeed tests with results revealing what “Friends” character you are, which 70s rock band, what sandwich — what arbitrary thing you are – these tests are clearly out of control.  By the way, I’m Courtney Love, the group Heart, Captain Kirk, and should live in the State of Washington.

Facebook friends who got the State of New York were pleased, proud to be associated with a high-powered, sophisticated city.

I was born and raised in Manhattan.  My dad, an artist, had a studio in the west 20s, and my friends and I took trains all around the city.  My mother’s from Harlem.

But when my results said that I should live in Washington, I thought – exactly!  This city was always too much for me.  My dad thought that I should live in Berkeley California, where it’s laid back and bohemian.

He had to make me go out and play with the kids yelling up at our window for me to come outside.  I was content to stay in my bedroom and dream, play with dolls, and write stories.

So I went outside, and before you know it, I was an alcoholic.  The cliques, the rules, the pace to keep up — I wasn’t suited for it.  I didn’t even care about going to college, though I scored high in my elementary school tests, and could read when I was three.

Early on I was anti-establishment – I saw how people were influenced to think the same way, and to follow trends.

I still live in Manhattan with filth, noise, and rude people.  I have principles and try to have manners, but in the city it’s hard.

In Whole Foods, I was nearly run over by shopping cart speeders.  I wanted to yell, “Where are you all going!!”  There were mostly upper-middle class young people, who pretty much own the island.  Yes, Manhattan is Dubai now — very expensive.

I was on the Upper West Side, a place where the gritty, the working class, and the intellectuals coexisted way back; the northernmost tip of that area being Columbia University.  At the base was the area immortalized in “Panic in Needle Park,” where junkies were.  A lot of that area was dangerous.

We knew a doctor in the seventies who bought a brownstone in the west 90s.  She was warned against moving there.  That house is probably a couple of million dollars now.  The people in that area today are wealthy, designer people.

Where I live is not like that, but it’s a matter of time.  Even though my neighborhood is considered good, in pockets it’s still noisy, dirty and overcrowded.  Even the airplane traffic is excessive.  I can’t take a decent nap because I’m hypersensitive to the noise.

I would love living in the woods of Washington State.  But for now I’m thinking about New Mexico.  I’m too old for this shit.

51 comments on “I’m too old for this shit

    • I had originally written that the city makes me a nervous wreck — yes — my nervous system is shot Elena — hahaha! I wish I had that daggone transporter beam from Star Trek!

  • You know, both Heart and Captain Kirk suit you perfectly.

    But if you were to ever leave the city and it’s bustle, you’d have to go somewhere with weather you could stand. It’s easy to find a place that suits your personality. There’s millions of towns and small cities that would be lucky to have you. But the weather is the one thing you have no control over (more so now than ever), so choose wisely, grasshopper.

    • And I do love Heart AND Captain Kirk! I actually think Courtney Love is a good artist and have always appreciated her work.

      That’s so true about the weather — I would definitely consider that. At one time I thought about the south but had heard that allergy sufferers have a bad time there, so I switched gears and went with my old Southwest stand-by — I’ve been thinking of New Mexico for a long time. I thought about Santa Fe though I like the desert — Santa Fe’s in the mountains however, right? — well where ever I go, I’ll have to research it first. Maybe I’ll just move across the way to New Jersey — hahaha!

  • i’d like to think i’m a combination of barry white, Isaac hayes, al green and of course – luther (i mean ‘big luther’) Vandross, but in reality my voice is sort of like Rochester and well . . .

  • People who gather their opinion about the South from TV shows and news interviews are really doing themselves a dis-service. Western NC, Central and Western SC and Northern GA, are some of the best outdoor havens, as well as access to bigger towns. Compared to other parts of the US, it is safe here. People are friendly. Arts and music, faith, food and alternative lifestyles are options. Community involvement is big. Nestled between Charlotte, Atlanta, and Ashville is Greenville SC of course. As well as Charleston to the South. We have down home folks and eclectic taste without the dense populations and constant movement you are used to being exposed. I like NYC to. I visit and take in the culture. Want a taste of this region, think of Western NJ but with folks treating you like they have known you all their lives.

  • I could see you enjoying the nature in Washington. I would love to live there, actually. Sandee, I did that quiz and I got Utah.That one is all wrong!! I stopped doing them after that. I also got Queen for something. They are fun to do. City life is pretty draining. You have lots of perks but it’s at a price, it costs a lot! I used to want to live in San Francisco, but since I have kids, the suburbs are fine!

    • Those tests are fun to do but in a couple of cases they were on point — I wondered how they came up with their formula for decided what elements determine what character, thing, etc. you are. Oh well. I need to stop doing them because I’ve done more than I care to admit.

      The city is indeed draining and too expensive. Especially if you have kids. And then school and stuff — aaaaaghhhhhhh! I think it’s wrong wrong wrong!

  • Sandee, I WISH I were a city person. I did try and really wanted to be but I find myself exhausted instead of energized when I go into a city. I wish there was a happy medium somewhere. Someone long ago told me I’d probably love Santa Barbara. Wherever one feels the most at peace is where one should be.

    I used to think New Mexico would be a very cool artsy place. Then I watched Breaking Bad. ha!

    Hope you find the perfect place.

  • Okay I swear I was following you. Damn you, WordPress!

    I have a love/hate relationship with those stupid buzzfeed tests. I think NYC would be too much for my calm soul as well. You should totally move to Washington though because you would be close to me haha.
    I just recently watched that movie “Panic in Needle Park” pretty scary stuff!

    • Wowwww! What a coincidence that you just saw that movie — that was some gritty stuff! Oh boy you should see that area now — very gentrified.

      I thought you were following me this whole time too — bahahahaha! Not to worry, it’s always nice when you stop by 🙂 — either way!

      New York City — not for the faint-hearted.

  • This city is my oxygen, Sandee. The idea of living anyplace else is unbearable. But I do agree with you that it’s a very tough town that’s overrun with elitists. I blame the Giuliani and Bloomberg, especially Bloomberg, administrations for this. Bloomberg catered to the developers. Maybe with DeBlasio running the show, life will improve for those of us that are not and never will be the stinking rich.

    • Funny you should mention Bloomberg — I almost used the phrase ‘Bloomberg’s New York’ in my post, because it most certainly is 🙂

      Part of the problem is my frustration with not being where I would like to have been at this age, so I think I’m a little stressed in general. Living in a place like this isn’t the place to be when you already feel a bit, pressed.

      I wish this city was my oxygen cause darnit I’ve got to be here for the next few years at least, for a couple of reasons. I’m glad that you don’t feel like a prisoner and that you’re enjoying your experience here. When I was in my twenties, I lived in the west 50s and it was great, I walked to work, rode my bike every where and could leave my apartment to go to the store any time of the day — the city stays open 24/7 as you know. The world was wide open to me then. But now ~sniff~ my dreams are crushed and I’m a middle-aged woman pushed to the brink — hahahaha!

      • When I reflect on who I was in my twenties when I moved here and who I am now, almost halfway to (barf) sixty, if my young self could see my present self, she’d probably commit suicide. Do you know anyone who is where they’d like to be at any age, Sandee? I sure don’t, but I know a lot of people who accept how their lives have gone.

        I started out wanting to be a screenwriter, I had my shot, I turned it down and I’ve since ended up with a job in design that pays a potato and health insurance and oh yeah, along with 55 million others, I write a blog that about three dozen read regularly. “Whoop-dee-don’t,” I tell my young friends. “Don’t do as I did.” But I’m confident that they’ll find their own ways to make mistakes.

  • I’m glad you commented on this post because I thought of you, since you live here. I wondered how you felt about the city.

    This gets better — we’re on the same wave-length tonight, not only with Bloomberg — I just told some folks, that if I had seen my life today when I was in my early twenties, I would never have stopped drinking — yeah and I might’ve jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge too 🙂 But you are right, it’s all about accepting how my life has gone. Acceptance ~sigh~

  • Peace and quiet is pretty crucial for health of soul. Even Jesus had to get away sometimes. He’d tell the crowds to come back tomorrow then He’d go up on a mountain and pray. In the morning He’d come back all refreshed to heal and teach people. Sounds like New York is a tough place to find peace. If you seek and ask, though, you shall find.

    • I’ll just say for now NYC doesn’t hold that much appeal for me. Some people love it here and wouldn’t be any where else. Hopefully seeking and asking will lead me to the right place. Thanks for stopping by Robert!

  • Until you get to move to the forest, you could buy a tiny potted bonsai tree that you have to learn how to keep pruned…
    Or if before you move to the desert, you could buy a tiny potted cactus… that you learn the right amount of water for…
    Then… visualize what you want…Maybe take a risk… Go ahead and make a change and if that doesn’t work go ahead and “accept the way life turns out”… but unless your health is actually stopping you, you’re never too old, and you actually owe it to yourself. Where there is a will there is a way.

    I actually lived in New York (Just across the Williamsburgh bridge) and I grew up in Washington State and Oregon… but sometimes I long for Japan… I’ve planted bamboo.

    • That is true — thanks for the reminder! — Where there’s a will there’s a way 🙂

      I do actually have a whole southwestern thing going on in here — my mind’s been there a while. Hopefully it’ll happen.

      Ah, Williamsburgh — it’s a hipster town now.

      • If You want it, it will happen. I believe in you.

        I lived in Williamsburgh in predominantly Puerto Rican Dominican Republic community sandwiched between Polish community and Hasidic Jewish community… there were no trees in my area and it was sooooo loud. I think I left just as the “hipsters” and aspiring artists-musicians-students were finding affordable rents in proximity to manhattan…

        I enjoy your writing. And appreciate you responding.

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