Published December 2, 2013 by Sandee

I wasn’t going to mention the Metro-North tragedy initially, because you can’t run from death.  Not really.  I did finally mention it on Facebook because of some compelling coincidences.  I didn’t want to give it special attention, because focusing on the details of the incident wouldn’t help to remind me that death is happening, and it’s not as big a thing as we make it out to be. When my father died I was reborn into this idea.  Paradoxically, I had to go through a few complex changes to come to this simple conclusion.  I try living harder and more truthfully because of this.  I want to be more fleshed out and connected to everything around me.

Yah I’d like to think that I could sustain this idea.  We’ll see how full of shit I am in the end though.  In my isolated existence, disconnected from the whole, death becomes a melodrama, and the mere particle of my human life becomes lionized, disproportionate to the calming reality.  Well, shit – I hope it’s calming.  I really hate the idea of holding onto life, holding onto things…

25 comments on “Death

  • I don’t think I’m as evolved as you on the subject yet. I know it’s a universal for us all, but that hasn’t made it easier for me to come to terms with yet. Hopefully I’ll have many more years to get there. 🙂

    • I read a couple of things scientists have said about energy never dying. I wondered about that in connection to some religious beliefs. Some say you get reincarnated, or go to heaven — hell. Since humans think in metaphors, maybe we came up with this colorful way of describing our intuition about death. But really it shouldn’t be taken literally. I read a zen book where the writer describes life as a single drop detached from a massive waterfall. When we die, he says, we reconnect to that massive waterfall and become one with it, or something like that. I wonder if that’s what happens to that energy we’re still exuding after we die. Maybe we just blend in with the ether — haha! Maybe we get recycled.

  • It’s always weird when something awful hits close to home. The world keeps turning, and you keep seeing the images of this . . . thing everywhere you go. You can’t quite understand how everyone else keeps going on with their lives because yours has been changed in some way. Until you remember that life going on is what is supposed to happen.

    • I was on that Metro-North train the night before, coming home from my Sleepy Hollow Cemetery tour guide job. It crashed at the stop before I would normally get off. The driver’s name was William Rockefeller, Jr. On my tour route, William Avery Rockefeller, Jr. is the second to the last stop. My tour the other night was the last for the season, which means I don’t have to ride the train back and forth from Sleepy Hollow with that imagery in my head. Yes, this was really close to home, which put me on the subject of my post.

      While my dad was dying, I realized how normal death actually is, especially seeing people go on with their lives. I kept imagining him saying, “Sandee, people die. It’s what we do,” and I thought, if he could die, it must not be so bad a thing. I was in a sense reborn after his death. I used to imagine that I would collapse from grief when he died.

  • Hi, Mensa Girl. I read backwards and enjoyed every post. You fell off my following list somehow so I was delighted to see your face again at my blog. You had a freaky, close call with that train! Jesus! That does explain the post!

    Thanks for stopping to “like”. I found you. As pretty as ever and as articulate…

  • Sandee, I think I’m still running from death, not facing it when it happens in my life to people I love. You’re so evolved. Someday, I know I will have to face it and I have a feeling it will be a tough one for me.

    • I leave room open for any bullshit I might be spewing because really I don’t know what would actually happen if certain people in my life died — I used to think I’d die when my dad died, and I didn’t, but who knows about others…

  • Hi Sandee. When I was a teenager I always thought I wouldn’t make it past 30. I have faced the thought of dying so many times I now think it’s kinda got to the point of “Okay bring it on” when it happens finally. I think in a way it’s good thing because I’m not scared of it, lets face it, it’s just a final act in our story none of us can avoid… Unless of course your a vampire!… And one day that stake would be unavoidable too ; )

    • Wow…I’m imagining that you must have lived quite a life to have believed that you wouldn’t make it past 30. I had bet mine would be kaput at 52 — perhaps when I stop menses — I’m 51 — uh oh! Death is mysterious because no one knows what becomes of our ‘being’ when it’s over. Though some people claim to have heard from those in the ‘afterlife’, most of us haven’t. But death is natural, so once that idea settles into my brain I think — how could it not be okay.

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