Spawn of Sandee

Published November 2, 2013 by Sandee


My Facebook ‘friends’ have the fucking cutest babies and kids.  LIKE LIKE LIKE.  Makes me wonder what my spawn would have looked like.  There’s a guy from way back, one of only two that I thought very briefly of breeding with – literally — I thought of it only seconds. If I weren’t so antithetical to the idea, maybe I would have thought about it longer.  Yeah I think my kid might have been cute, kind of smart too, but then there’s what would have happened to it later with the poor skills I had given it to survive.  There’s also the issue of my gene pool.  But anyway, people don’t think about that part.  I could barely figure shit out for myself, so I didn’t think that I should contribute to the population of lost souls.  So here is just me, sans spawn, which is more than enough.

I use my “maternal” energy to nurture fools, mostly.  But I have enough of the energy left over after.  Thank goodness.  I was real maternal to those girl scouts I lead on a tour at the cemetery the other day.  They got scared and it was all cold. Some of them were shivering.  That’s when I got motherly.  I even hugged a couple of them.

I’m not like I used to be — one of those get-those-creatures-away-from-me types.  My sister had kids and I love them so much that it helped me to have compassion for other children.  All those years I closed myself off from that energy.

I enjoy the sound of them now, the way they talk, when they run around like maniacs and jump on your back.  I’m not bothered when they cry, though they’re uncomfortable.  It’s a lovely energy to be surrounded by.  By embracing it, I embrace certain aspects of myself and of being human that reflect something possibly less tainted.  I suppose.

29 comments on “Spawn of Sandee

  • I’ve lost all tolerance for screaming kids–libraries, grocery store, parking lots. And I have kids. I don’t mind babies of friends crying. I just hate hearing whiny kids at the store. Talk about a Halloween horror!

    Nice post, Sandee.

  • I love this, Sandee. Your kids would have been beautiful, witty, and smart…I just know these things. It’s true they require a certain amount of energy that can be crazy. That’s sweet you gave the girl scouts a hug. I’m sure that’s your maternal instinct kicking in.

    • I appreciate the feedback Amy. Thanks! And thanks for the vote of confidence. I always say my kids would probably be in jail or in the looney bin — haw haw haw! Who knows. I just didn’t think it would have been a good idea. Good thing I’m not sitting up here fifty years old regretting it. Ha — technically I might still be able to have kids — when the hell’s my menopause coming dammit! I guess I would need serious scientific aid but theoretically… 😀

  • It’s funny how much we have in common…how lucky that we found each other!

    Mainly I try to shun all maternal instincts in me but they are still there anyways. We both would have had kids that put our Facebook friend’s kids to shame! 🙂


    • Thanks Dawn! How sweet of you to say that! Hehehe! I think my kids might look cute — which is how they all initially start out — but then — with improper training, and a not so great gene pool — it could be where they develop a resentment about being alive. I suppose that’s a depressing outlook — hahahaha! Nothing drugs or alcohol couldn’t fix 🙂

    • Thanks Audra! I hope my nephews think so! I’m obsessed with them — hahaha! — Another good reason I didn’t have spawn — did I tell you about my neurosis 🙂 I know it isn’t right to want to be perfect — it reflects an imbalance, but that might have been a big issue for me. So my gene pool is definitely out as I would only be interested in breeding androids, who were genius IQ, tall, never sick, alpha, etc. Poor me, eh.

  • You going all maternal? lol It makes me think back to your posts before… You the lady living in the woods with a couple of kids… What would you have called them? Hansel and Gretel? And there would be you…All bare foot and all fighting off the weirdywolves of society… Please don’t tell you went all ‘normal’ while I was away!!!! Oh the horror of that thought! (giggles) : O

    • Ahahahaha! Thanks Claire — I love your support of my peculiarities! It’s funny because I did think of writing something about me being the wicked witch int he Hansel and Gretel story, where I push some of those girl scouts I was touring into the oven — the real whiny ones.

  • My opinion of children ratcheted up considerably when my sister birthed my niece 19 years ago. Then, a feeling of immense affection kicked into me and kids entered — and stayed, on my radar. I now think they’re all pretty cool and I cut them slack. They have mood swings like all of us. I also knew that I personally did not have any desire to breed or be a co-parent. Frankly, I think it’s as responsible to decide not to have kids as it is to have them. For me, aunt-hood is good enough.

    • Yup — I agree — for some the decision not to have kids is a responsible choice. That’s it — what you say about kids being on your radar now — that’s a good way to describe it.

  • Kids are good. I really wanted a handful of them back in my 20s, but the older I got without them, the less I wanted the responsibility. I like other people’s kids, though. I get my maternal instincts out on my cats, of course. Poor things.

  • Sandee, I’m like you. I don’t have any offspring but I’ve got plenty of nieces and nephews to love. You have summed it up so beautifully for women who don’t, or can’t or who choose not to have children: “By embracing it, I embrace certain aspects of myself and of being human that reflect something possibly less tainted. I suppose.”

    That’s it, exactly, my poetic and writerly friend. That’s it exactly. xxoo

    • Hi Brigitte! I used to be so judgmental about certain people having kids — I thought — why would THEY have a kid when they’re so fucked up or since their genes are not so hot — I was really twisted. I used to think people were just egotistical and wanted to see little thems running around, little thems who they delusionally believe would change the world — ah me. While some of this may be true, who was I to pass judgement — well at least I know I’m kind of messed up — hahahahaha!

    • Thanks Shauna! I think I am really an old softee — hehehehe! Those little girlscouts were so cute, especially the 12 year olds who broke down and became little girls at one point. I do hear some people say this about having kids — that it’s all worth it in the end.

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