But if you put some butter on it

Published June 25, 2013 by Sandee


Under the same standard responsible for punishing Paula Deen, if we asked big business owners, politicians and blue-collar workers — Asian, black, white, Latino, Samoan — if they ever used racial slurs and they told the truth, we’d have no one to run the country, no goods or services, no Honey Nut Cheerios, or computers — the highways would be fucked up from disrepair and there would be no elevator inspectors or pilots.

Paula Deen got caught out there, because let me tell you, she ain’t the onliest one.  I think what happened is an over reaction and that she’s a scapegoat.  When a high-profile white person is branded racist black people think of them as part of the institutions that control our lives negatively.  But we shouldn’t let knee-jerk reactions muddy our thinking.

All I read in the New York Times is that she admitted to using the “N” word years ago, but I didn’t read in any reputable journal anything about her saying she wanted black people dressing up as slaves.  Maybe I missed something and if she did say this then she can kiss my ass and she should be dropped from the Food Network.

I saw this video and frankly I appreciated her honesty in recounting her experience as a southern white woman, even though she makes a crack about the guy being as black as the board.  But how many black people make cracks like that about white people? — stand-up comedians — and that stupid Wayan’s brothers movie, White Girls.  What if two white guys made a movie in black face called Black Girls?  Huh?


I don’t condone quote unquote racism and don’t want to be called the N word, as I’m sure white people would not like to be called the C word.  And we should all play nice blah blah — and try to do better.  But we’re human and xenophobic and white xenophobia is kinda scary, no, yes.

As Wendy Williams said (I watch Wendy Williams — what?!), what we do and say with the blinds closed and curtains drawn at the kitchen table is our business, but in public another story.  It’s ridiculous to think that we’ll ever stop saying mean things about people.  Maybe we’ll get better but I don’t think this behavior will go away completely.

As a public personality, Paula Deen should be held up to a higher standard, especially if she’s getting endorsements from companies supported by the public, but I don’t think that she needs to be lopped off.  In the case that she offended someone with a racial slur, her business should be fined and she should be given a warning, I think.

35 comments on “But if you put some butter on it

  • butter, butter, oh yeah, need me some butter and fry that chicken while you’re at it, need some of that as well and a slice of watermelon on the side . . . paula deen, just another in a long list of people once loved by the media now destroyed by the media (not that her words alone killed her; not at all) and the suddenly “politically correct” police

  • well put. pre-disposed beliefs and judgements about people that are different from oneself is generally, human nature and unavoidable. And celebrities, even though they should be held to higher standards b/c they are in the spotlight, are far from perfect— Martha went to jail but made a comeback. I feel like this is the same thing,…. give Paula a bit of time and she’ll be back to smothering butter on lard in no time! Ha….. I have never made any of her recipes in fear that I might gain 3875 lbs immediately.

  • Of course I agree with everything in this post, Sandee. There are so many double standards that it starts to make no sense. Why does that word even exist anymore? Sometimes it’s okay in a rapper song or if a black comedian chooses to use it, etc. Like the word Gay or faggot – I think it’s been established that those are off limits unless you’re actually gay, then you can use them whenever you want. WHAT? Lily’s best friend is gay and uses those words all the time. How about no one uses any of these derogatory words? (When we were younger we used the word gay but in the sense that some one was a “Wally” or a “Larry” ! LOL! I still use it that way. My definition has zero to do with homosexuality. It’s just a habit from middle school years.) But try explaining that to the PC police and they don’t get it. They condemn you.
    My brain doesn’t think in racial slurs – thank goodness. Those words are never rattling around in my brain. If Paula Deen grew up around the N word, hearing it from whites and blacks, and we know she did – it’s probably hard to erase. Is she a bad person, evil and mean? I don’t think so. I think she’s being scapegoated, too. She may be missing the sensitivity, public PC chip in her brain, but look at her – what do you expect. LOL!

    Great Post, Sandee.

    • I really appreciate you chiming in on this Lisa. I thought about why I would choose to write about something like this with women’s rights issues on the line, climate change laws to consider, etc. Well, I decided that I feel this is a social issue. I’m going to be really lame and not expand on it, but concur about the idea of a double standard.

  • Sandee, I appreciate your candid opinion on the Paula Dean fallout. I wholeheartedly agree with you on the blatant hypocrisy and double standards that are conveniently and selectively applied depending on who is the lead attraction of the cruel media circus.

    I think she told the truth in the deposition that was made public and unfortunately for Paula, the plaintiff and her lawyers that brought the suit will leverage the racial grenades to better their chances of collecting a large bite of Paula’s bacon. All sides should ultimately have their day in court and hopefully justice will prevail.

    Paula offended folks with her remarks and apologized. I can accept that. She has been in the public eye for a long time doing her food thing, she shoots from the hip with a sense of humor, and now people are discovering that she is also human. People err, they screw up. The businesses that dropped her, they are about image, the Benjamin’s, I get that. Doors close, in time others will open. The people that truly know and care about Paula will continue to do so. They will ride out the storm with her. This is the real currency, knowing who will stand with you….knowing who has your back when it matters most.

    Enjoyed the post, Sandee. Thanks for sharing your voice and keeping it real.

    • Thanks Theresa! It’s so nice to know I’m not alone as a person of color! One of the problems I have is people getting up on their moral high horses when institutional racism is so pervasive and rampant, they’re just as racist as Paula Deen or anyone else. I appreciate your support!

  • If I had a nickel for every time my non-white friends referred to me as a pasty white girl… And you know what? I AM pasty white! Seriously, pasty.

    I do think Paula Deen got caught in a huge overreaction, and she is being scapegoated, but frankly, I just don’t like her so I’m not all that sorry for her. And I think she probably is racist—she strikes me as one of those old southern broads who thinks that black people are just fine, but really, they’re best off serving Whitey because Whitey Knows Best.

    Although if everyone who was discovered to have ANY racist tendencies was fired, there would be very few people in the workforce.

    • You see it ain’t right — black people participate in this behavior and think it’s okay but then get up in arms when white people do it. We seek approval from the mainstream and it’s kind of a patriarchal thing where the patriarch is the parent we look up to and hold under higher standards — it’s complicated and deeply imbedded. But we need to forge new frontiers.

      My problem is as I mentioned, the moral high horse people are on about this, especially some liberal white people. Black people are under the illusion that this is the problem and it isn’t. This is why I felt compelled to write something that on the surface seems flimsy in light of what else is going on. I feel that we’re just being given bones in this country, and canned causes, and it shuts us up and makes us think we’re part of everything. They give us Obama and Oprah Winfrey (I don’t ever do Oprah Winfrey), and we think it’s progress. Ain’t not a goddamned thing’s changed not really.

      My solutions might seem out there, but I think they explore the roots of the problems. Sorry MW for going on and on 🙂 As always I appreciate your comments — they’re often fused with humor!

  • I agree. This is a complete overreaction. I personally can’t stand Paula Deen (her voice is nails on a chalkboard to me), but that doesn’t mean she should be punished for something she said some 30 years ago. Now if she’s still going around talking like that, that’s a whole different story. But as far as I can tell, she isn’t. At least not in public.

    • Hehehe! A few people say the same, that they can’t stand her but feel she shouldn’t be excoriated to this degree — people need to get off of that moral high horse — this is the perfect opportunity for them to showboat how holier than thou they are — blegh! I must say I do like her voice — I love imitating it 🙂

  • I’m actually glad she said it because now I know how she feels. I rather someone show me who they are than smile to my face and on the inside they hate me. I will deal with them accordingly… She shouldn’t be condemned for her point of view.

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