“Is that…m-my…b-b-butt?”

Published January 16, 2013 by Sandee


I’m not a foodie.  But I do like mayonnaise, and I like toast with olive oil and salt.  I don’t eat these foods excessively but my metabolism had problems grinding these foods up along with the free cheese-laden cuisine I was getting from the café at work all last year.

Because I never have the right to pass up bags of free food, my ass is swollen.  I blame free cheese-laden cuisine.  While I’m a cake enthusiast, and lover of strudel, pie, donuts, cookies and candy, I control myself.  I know it could get ugly, because it has.

In ‘night Mother, Anne Bancroft’s character says, “I don’t like food — I like candy!”  I so could have played her, because I identify with people who hate food and like candy.

You’d expect anyone proclaiming to hate food to be bone thin.  Yah, but I’m not bone thin.  I don’t hate food the same as those people who get away with eating very little, those small-boned people who brag about how they forgot to eat.  How cute are they.

I always fear that the food I eat won’t metabolize properly and will just sit there turning to blubber.  I have fear of food — food anxiety.  I also resent spending energy buying, cooking  and eating food, and I hate washing dishes.  This all takes too much time.

I’d like those pills that they had on the Jetsons.  They took care of all your nutritional needs.  You simply pop one in your mouth, and off you go with your jet-fueled back pack to that shopping mall on Venus.

I was inspired to write this post after seeing my image in a dressing room mirror. Aren’t those mirrors evil?

“Is that…m-my…b-b-butt?”  I said.  Maybe I’m in denial about the amount of food I eat?

I really don’t eat much, but once I start eating, it continues until my body says it should stop, and I hate that because it thwarts my fantasy of getting away with eating just once a day.

I know I’m twisted when it comes to food – and maybe a few other things — but, I just need to eat, live and stop ragging on my butt – it’s a useless exercise.

I do have the ability to enjoy food however.  I enjoyed Chilean bass a couple of days ago.  Maybe I’ll write a post about that, and how I only decided to look at the price on the wrapping around the rest of the fish in the refrigerator after it almost killed me because it was so transporting.  It dawned on me that any fish that could do this had to be pricey.

71 comments on ““Is that…m-my…b-b-butt?”

  • Oh, Sandee. I’ve always had an ass, even when I was just a teenager.

    After this latest bout with anemia, I put on yet more fat. It likes to congregate at the top of my thighs, butt, hips. I am not too happy with this, but I wish I was happy with it. I wish I could celebrate my fat. It is, after all, trying to keep my body from what it perceives as the threat of great deprivation.

    You are right, though. We must be kind to ourselves and perhaps not look at our behinds in the mirror or if we do, keep saying “I am a beautiful woman.” Or something.

    I like sweets, fattening, fattening sweets–not candy, more like rich blends of ice cream. In my advancing peri-menopause, the hormones still lead me around and my desire for sweets is dictated by them.

    I love this post so much. I was laughing so hard. I love your writing and wacky take on all things.

    • I’m glad that you love this post! I appreciate that so much! Seems like we have a bit in common. Where fat congregates on our bodies is the same — ha! In the vein of what you were saying, I was going to write more about how this weight gain can teach me how to continue loving myself no matter what I look like. I didn’t want to take this post down that road though.

      Also, I thought I was done with my period and was disappointed a few days ago when my ‘friend’ came a calling. So, we’re both perimenopausal as well.

      I’m glad you laughed reading this Katherine! I love you as an audience — yay!

  • I recently had the same horrifying experience. (with my butt.) I wish that I did not care. I know that there are other, more important things I could be doing with my time…saving the world somehow, writing, taking pictures or doing work in a soup kitchen or something noble like that but I’m SO busy worrying about my butt, like 15 hours a day when I’m sleeping well, that I do not have time. We are birds or a feather! Except that I love to eat.

    Butt Bisous (?)

    • Hahahaha! You look so thin in your pictures Dawn — I guess what happens is that we hold ourselves under the microscope and compare what we are now with what we used to be — we’re looking closer than anyone else. I think of those people who gain weight only in their breasts — how unfair is that though. I think it’s just what we do, obsess about ourselves from time to time — we can try saving the world in between perhaps…

      Bertha Butt

  • I cannot figure out why “they” don’t put flattering lights in dressing rooms! Is it some kind of conspiracy so that will feel bad and keep trying to find the perfect something??!! On the subject of food, I do love it and sweets too. But I prefer meat, carbs and pasta. So as far as my butt, well, I’m at peace with that. But I do like carbs so there’s that. :).

    Funny, with your special Sandee brand of humor all over it. Now, go eat you a nice slice of cake.

    • I should take your advice and eat me a piece of cake — shoot! — after what I’ve been through today — Ahahaha!

      On the subject of flattering lights in the dressing room, it would serve their business well to do so. If people saw themselves in a warm flattering light, they’d be apt to buy more clothes — oh well!

  • As was I reading this Sandee, I thought, I know, I know. I have often felt this way. Food is such a royal pain. If only I had a personal chef, right?! Add kids into the mix, who are so picky. I’m amazed we manage to eat anything. I wish I had Wonka’s stick of gum. That’s the thing I always think about…of course, I would be completed satisfied and full after chewing it!

    • Oh yeah that gum! — That would work for me too! I’ve often thought that I would love to have a chef to make healthy balanced meals for me — a nutritionist on staff! It would be the only luxury I would really feel worth buying if I had it like that.

  • I thought “booty” was the thing to have! Even when I was rake thin, I had booty and it always got me a lot of attention. Booty is good as long as it’s not out of proportion with the rest of your body but women do come to an age, when the metabolism slows dramatically, and the booty can start looking like, well, let’s just say mine looks better in clothes. 🙂

    • Girl, mine looks better in clothes too! Geez! I don’t know, I always thought I’d prefer tits — but I know a couple of women who have tits who say — oh I’d like hips and some butt — who knows — the moral is to not give a disproportionate amount of value to such things I guess.

  • I say eat. Why do we constantly make ourselves feel guilty for enjoying food? And Booty is good to have. I was watching some stupid show today where women were getting freaking silicone implants in thier butts? WTF is that?
    I talk a good talk but I know how you feel woman but I can’t give it up entirely — I like a good meal —

    • I think I suffer from some of the insanity about concepts of weight. I’ve always had it. I like your attitude. I have seen where women are getting butt implants — hilarious!

  • Just eat. Be conscious of how processed the food is, but eat. I try to eat pure food. Nothing processed. Sometimes I can’t help it. My booty is kinda big. Oh well. As long we feel good and we’re relatively healthy who cares?

  • Sandee, having seen it (modestly covered) I can honestly say: “What butt?” Girlfriend, you exaggerate! You’ve got some awesome curvature there, but nothing along the lines of what you imply. Go have another slice of cake! xoxoM

  • I can honestly say I always enjoy food, and I never forget to eat. I’m too active to skip a meal. I’d pass out from low blood sugar. But food can be a complicated issue, can’t it? I wish you AND your butt well on your food journey.

  • Everything is falling down on my bod. A big booty means you’ve got curves, Sandee. Be happy and go have some cake. Never in my life have I forgotten to eat. What’s that all about? HA! I’m a foodie of the highest order. The day I miss an opportunity to eat, well, I’ll probably be dead in the ground. 🙂

    • I feel so vain talking about this in a way — but it’s funny because my mirrors at home are favorable to me. I look ok in those for the most part. When I go elsewhere it gets tricky — not to mention the dreaded dressing room mirrors.

    • Hehehehe! True! And since I had a falling out with the worker there responsible for giving me all of that food — I’m thinking maybe the free food was a blasted plot against me — haw haw!

  • Remember, dressing room mirrors are probably designed to make you look bad. On the upside, anything you look good wearing in the dressing room at the store will look fantastic on you anywhere else.

  • I have so many food issues, I’ve lost count at this point. I’m really trying to start enjoying food again though – I went out with my roomie the other night and had the best meal of my entire life and it seemed to have awakened a food demon in me so maybe that enjoyment will come…Just to eat and NOT freak out – like how f’ing awesome must that be??

  • It’s terrible we can’t always enjoy eating out this way. I can do that sometimes — actually enjoy going and eating — but not always, not when I’m caught off guard and someone wants to go eat and it’s at a really fattening place. I’m glad you enjoyed the meal the other night and at least you had nice company.

  • Sometimes I ‘forget’ to eat, crazy as that sounds and then when I remember at night I end up pigging out so I make sure there’s just healthy stuff to raid… apart from the Key Lime Pie which is actually calling my name from the fridge as I write this 😀

  • I like big butts and I can not lie….
    You know funny enough, big butts are beautiful. It is too much weight that leads too lack of health that is the problem. I will say though, never found a man that said he liked skinny women. We women only try to be skinny for one another.

    Great post. You made me laugh.


    • Aw thanks Becca! I’m glad you laughed! Yep, there’s a balance to maintain. I remember the old Love Connection show — I’m 102 years old — a couple of times men on there looking for dates said they’d prefer a woman with a little meat on her bones. I found that so refreshing.

  • I have to say, I’m not one of those women who checks out ‘other women’ and evaluates their looks, in fact, I hate that. However, were your booty huge I might notice if we couldn’t sit next to each other on a bench comfortably.
    What I do notice is when my friends change their hair! Now hair really does more for us than anything I think.

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