Questionable Personal Hygiene

Published December 12, 2012 by Sandee

Opening for Executive Coordinator Position at the Apex Gymnasium and House of Intellectual Property

Responsibilities include:

  • Rolling eyeballs in back of head to show just the white part.
  • Must have really really white teeth and one grey one.
  • Ability to turn eyelids inside out.
  • Sitting Indian style for more than half an hour.
  • Manage calendar for three busy associates in an office where the temperature is maintained at 102 degrees.
  • Must not have an aversion to matted wigs.
  • Serve as liaison between associate #1 and the man at newspaper stand.
  • Hot dog eating contest experience a plus.
  • Must have questionable personal hygiene.
  • A black belt in Kung Fu required.
  • Maintain a collaborative working relationship with the chair, president, and all board members to ensure that governance and management are aligned, allocating approximately 25% of time and at least 75% of your paycheck to these board members.
  • Applicant must have absolutely no sense of humor.

36 comments on “Questionable Personal Hygiene

    • I would normally advice that you suppress your sense of humor in order to qualify for a position of this caliber but I’m afraid that the board members and their willy wonkers might tickle your fancy eventually.

    • I absolutely love this part of the qualification! Seriously, I’m glad you noticed enough to point it out — it made me laugh when I wrote it! Now even I’m imagining suited up board members all wearing matted wigs, sitting in a conference room — hahaha!

  • I’m kind of curious to know what kind of liaising is going on between Associate #1 and the newspaper stand guy…Do Not Dogs count for hot dogs? Sure the sense of humor thing is a deal breaker? Picky, picky, picky! xoxoM

  • What a dream job. I used to know a guy who could roll his eyeballs like that, it was pretty gross. I too cannot sit Indian style. I love hot dogs but have never been in a contest. But I’ve had jobs where I’m pretty sure 75% of my paycheck did, in fact, end up going to the mucky-mucks. Does that count?

    • You and me both! I’m glad I put this in my post — it’s helped me to see that I’m not alone in my inability to sit this way — seriously — I’ve felt so left out in this — like a stiffy!

    • I know I can’t do that either! I wish i could. I’d like to walk down the street like that or as I mention in another comment, do it as I step into a subway car to clear it out — muahahahahaha!

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