Opening for Executive Coordinator Position at the Apex Gymnasium and House of Intellectual Property
- Rolling eyeballs in back of head to show just the white part.
- Must have really really white teeth and one grey one.
- Ability to turn eyelids inside out.
- Sitting Indian style for more than half an hour.
- Manage calendar for three busy associates in an office where the temperature is maintained at 102 degrees.
- Must not have an aversion to matted wigs.
- Serve as liaison between associate #1 and the man at newspaper stand.
- Hot dog eating contest experience a plus.
- Must have questionable personal hygiene.
- A black belt in Kung Fu required.
- Maintain a collaborative working relationship with the chair, president, and all board members to ensure that governance and management are aligned, allocating approximately 25% of time and at least 75% of your paycheck to these board members.
- Applicant must have absolutely no sense of humor.