I’ve thought of different ways to make money. Most of these methods aren’t viable — what do I know about being a madame? I think of all those hairy gangsters threatening to – I mean offering me buyouts or making me give up ninety percent of my income for ‘protection,’ and it turns me off.
Pity. I think I have a knack for being a madame, albeit kind of a crazy one. I would offer my employees benefits and have daycare centers for the ones with families – you know – like Amsterdam. I had planned to pimp – I meant — to employ men also. But that idea now is just dust in the wind.
My next way to make loot – being a pirate. I’d love wearing a black patch over my left eye. People would think there was such mystery about me, and maybe that I was a bit of a degenerate too. Oh – and I’d love to tell people to swab the deck and walk the plank. Do pirates still do that? I wouldn’t want to be an internet pirate. Or one of those Somali pirates. Wasn’t that weird? Plus – how do pirates make money? I think they take stuff from people and I don’t like that. If I’m going to do that I might as well be a cat burglar for a living, and that’s out of the question.
So then I thought I might make cakes because I have passion for it so. The people would taste the passion and I would get shit loads of customers. My oven’s from 1980 though. I’d need those appliances cooks on cable television have. No way could I afford those! Just think, the reason I’m considering being a madame, a pirate and a cake baker is because I need extra loot, so kicking out all that cash for state of the art appliances with no certainty of a client base might be fool hardy. So back to square one, being a broke ass bitch.
We’re like sisters. I’m broke and I like cake too! But be glad you’re not my sister because according to my siblings I can be a real bossy bitch!
I wonder if there’s a connection between being broke and having a thing for cake. I’m so glad you like cake — maybe we could trade cake stories!
Been baking cakes from scratch since I was about twelve and I realized the store ones never really tasted good. Meant I had to bake my own birthday cakes if I wanted a good one. Unfortunately I don’t bake much anymore because I have no willpower and I do like having a waist! But since I was a kid much better pastry and bakeries have come to town, both good and bad for me! Good thing they sell a lot of their cakes by the slice, bad thing since I can buy more than one slice, maybe that is why I’m broke, buying all those slices of cake.
Now that’s a great cake story! I had these same cake issues and was really happy when I could buy a slice of black forest cake from the bakery… Good luck to us both with cake discipline!
The money goes so fast. As soon as I have some, it’s gone. This is why I never carry cash anymore at all. I hope you figure something out. Good luck. Your cakes look delicious!
Thanks so much for the “Good luck.” I could use it! I love those cakes on the side bar — Madame Weebles was so kind to send me pictures of the last two. I sure wish I could actually have a piece 🙂
oh the possibilites of reinventing onself.You’ll figure it out, I know it!
If it makes you feel any better,I have thiry two cents in my checking account.
You make me want to have cake… and I will right now with my coffee at 5am. Sending good vibes your way Sandee.
Thank you Audra! We should pool our resources, go back in a time in a time machine and get some penny candy — hahahaha!
I’m not liking this because you are a broke-ass b… Could you make money being a broke-ass b? I like the idea of making cakes, and “people would taste your passion”, as in Like Water for Chocolate . Then you could come to Montreal and live with your other family, and we were all forever happy.
Oh what nice day dreams you’ve given me.
Sending You Tons of Cake xxxx and I agree with Le Clown – make cake 🙂 🙂 🙂
Love it! Thank you Lovely Cat! Looking at your blog makes me happy!
🙂 🙂 🙂 xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Even The Metallica 🙂 🙂 🙂 !!!!!!!!!!!! lol xx
I am also broke… Sadly I can’t bake
But you can bake the heck out of some words!
I saw cake and ‘taste the passion’. Yes! Do this. I want to taste the passion!
And I’m not sure what a madame does, but pirate or madame I volunteer as your trustee sidekick. I’ll get the gold teeth and everything 🙂
Just picturing this makes me laugh! Thanks MFE!
At least you can bake.. all I can do is write poetry and we all know writers are one starving group of folk..
Wait a minute — I have to go back and look at your blog for poetry because I don’t recall seeing any — I think of good story writing when I think of you — you are one damn great writer.
I use to want to be a madame of some sort. If not that a gypsy! I didn’t care about the stealing part back then! Have a great day Sandee 😉
Ooooohh yeeeeahhh, Carla — I forgot about gypsies! You have a great day too Carla!
This really made me laugh. Being a broke ass bitch actually sounds really cool, especially when you list it as your occupation. Recently, a house that I pass on my way home put a sign outside their driveway. It says, “Psychic Readings.” This sounds like a real money maker, right? Just tell people what you know they want to hear, and they’ll keep coming back, oh, and make sure to serve them some cake with each visit. 😉
I guess I solved that problem. I see money in your future….
Oooo thanks Lisa! I believe you about money in my future!
Well at least you have a few ideas…It’s a start.
Have a great weekend. 🙂
Oh I’ve got a million of ’em! Thanks Phil! You have a great weekend too!
Open a bakery and call it The Cake Pirate. That way you can bake and eat cakes and still wear an eye patch.
Oh Carrie — I don’t know if you saw a previous reply to your comment — my sister accidentally hacked in, saying ‘I like Carrie’s comment’ — I saw it and thought, gee, I like Carrie’s comment too but I don’t recall writing that! Ahahaha! I checked my comments in the dashboard and found that my sis apologized for the error. I stayed at her house and used her computer under my account, so when she commented it came out under my name!
But I do indeed love ‘The Cake Pirate’ idea. It’s so me. That’s it Carrie — you so get ME!
I didn’t see it, but I’m pleased to know your sister liked my idea. So now you have two votes for The Cake Pirate. Just get your best-seller, and then you can open the shop. 🙂
Carrie and your sister are right. Sandee the Cake Pirate!
Or you could offer your services as a writer and editor to every small business around you. Have you seen some of the mistakes people make on their menus and ads?
That’s brilliant Mary! I should try and figure out how to market myself this way…
I don’t like the thought of you as a broke ass bitch. I’m liking the whole pirate thing, especially if you’re a Johnny Depp-like pirate. He’s the best pirate of all, so if you channel JD, I think good things will come your way. =/
I love the pirate thing! But I wish I could more than channel Johnny D, oh but I wish!
Sry sis! I hacked you by mistake….your details were automated when I hit reply
Really? I cant imagine you could go wrong with CAKE!
mmm eyepatch lmao
Cake is the ambrosia of gods!
have you tried lemon cake? mmmmmmmm
Good Lord it’s my favorite I swear. I used to make it from scratch with lemon buttercream icing — oh, oh, ohhhhhhhh!
oh man, you know whats awesome with buttercream? chocolate rice cakes. OMG in heaven, so good. and less calories than cake AND crunchy!
SHIT. now I need buttercream this weekend…
I have GOT to try this!
my daughter adds jelly to hers, but thats overload for me. lol rice cakes are really under-utilized. which is my word of the week.
Ahahaha — my word of the week is ‘onus’!
I’m with everybody else-cake. If your old oven makes good cakes start with that one. As you become rich and famous, you can buy more ovens. Or, how about teaching how to make great cakes? You could wear pirate or madam attire and change it up every other day.
I can’t say I’m not getting some good ideas here! Thanks Elena!
Maybe combine all three? A seafaring baker with benefits?
Hahaha! You said “seafaring.” — I used this vocation for one of my characters from the olden days — I didn’t know what the hell I was talking about!
Well, since I’m not a *real* Madame I can’t offer you advice on the career potential there, but avoiding shakedowns from thugs probably wouldn’t be much fun. On the other hand, if you can get a friend to be your bouncer, you could probably do well. And you could wear an eyepatch, and serve cakes at the cafe. I mean, most whorehouses don’t have bakeries or cafes attached. This could be a great service. Because you know, after you’ve nailed a strumpet, you might want a crumpet.
MW, again, I almost choked while reading your comment! And they don’t call you Madame for nuthin’! — a cafe attached to a whorehouse — genius! I’d like to buy the rights to use your strumpet/crumpet tagline.
You could be a professional heister. I have often considered that route.
I hate to admit that this at one timed seemed sexy to me — ahhhh, youth…
well, if I weren’t broke too, I’d buy all your book so you wouldn’t be broke.
Aw, that’s really sweet!