A rotary phone with a squiggly long cord

Published November 20, 2012 by Sandee

I’m half of a hundred, I’m free.  I just told a guy that I had a Facebook crush on him.  Would I have been too cautious to say this at twenty-five?  I don’t know because that was the last century.  Facebook hadn’t been invented yet.

So would I have been able to tell this same guy face-to-face that I had a crush on him?   Would I have been able to tell him during a rotary phone conversation — by Pony Express?   I’m such a silly dewy – Pony Express! Ahaha!

But I don’t even know if I would have used any of these modes of communication for conveying a crush, because like I said, it was a Facebook crush, a different animal.  I haven’t seen this guy since he was a kid either.

But generally I think I’d tell a guy I had a crush on him.  I’m bold if I have a hankering for you.  I’m possessed by my hormones then and you should hear some of the stuff coming out of my mouth.  I should have been a dude, I’ve got so much swerve.

There are many things I feel more confident saying nowadays, and not just because of premenopause hormones – speaking of hormones.  I’m on the planet half a century and have been through more.  My theories have been tested and proven to work.

It gets better.  I hear we can turn off that filter completely and, you know, let it fly.  Like grandma.  She says what she wants.  You should’ve heard what she said when I told her I kissed a boy dressed like a girl.  It was absolutely vile what she said.  I laughed two days.

That’s why I don’t want to visit her now because I’ve nearly shaved my head.  She WILL say something about it and I WILL say something back.  That’s how we roll.  But she know I luv huh.

At the half century mark I’m just warming up.  Protect your heads.  No more hemming and hawing, beating around the bush, no sugar-coating or pretty euphemisms. With time running out, my language will be condensed.  There will be nuggets of truth flying in the air hitting people in the head.  Who said getting old wasn’t any fun?

55 comments on “A rotary phone with a squiggly long cord

  • Everybody likes a sassy old woman–just look at TV shows and movies. And although you still have a long way to go before you’re old, I’m glad to see you’re making preparations in the say-what-you-want department. 🙂

  • I’m with you on this. It’s very freeing to be able to just speak your mind. We have 50 years worth of valuable observations and, (I’ll speak for both of us) we’ll be damned if we’re gonna keep our mouths shut.
    I’m glad you told that guy you had a crush on him. I’d have done the same thing. Did you know that as Tigers, in the Chinese horoscope, we have ‘dude’ qualities? In fact, the Chinese consider Tiger women to be like men. I find that very interesting… 🙂
    I like the way you roll, and your grandma, too!

    • Yeah that’s right — the Tiger qualities that you spoke of before do seem to encompass some of the behavior I’m talking about. Watch out now! Oh my g’ma — I think she may be a dragon, tiger and a gila monster!

  • “…nuggets of truth flying in the air hitting people in the head.” — for some reason this made me grin. I’m picturing a huge food fight scene like in one of those old 80’s movies. With age comes freedom, that’s one of the best things about getting older!

  • ~OUCH~ I think I just got hit with a flying nugget of truth!

    Oh wait…that was the howler’s bowl…. he wants food.

    In all seriousness… or perhaps quasi-seriousness…
    I don’t know if I would ever tell someone I had a crush on them… ever. even via facecrack…
    I have the emotional age of a 12 year old… you know when punching someone was the best way of showing affection….

    You go on with your bad-ass half of a hundred year old self!

    • This made me laugh! The punching someone to show affection — ahaha! Yeah my half of a hundred year old self better take her ass to bed — I’m having to get more sleep now too you know 🙂

  • High-Five Sister!! Look, men do that jazz all the time, speak their mind and it’s high time women feel comfortable in their skin top do the same. I think it’s great you told him..:-)

  • I’m excited to reach this point! I’ve gotten much better with it (especially after leaving my 20s – geez the 20s are such crap, I love being older!) so I imagine it only gets better with age. 🙂

    • We had sent each other a couple of private messages and so I shot him over my phone number. When he called me I told him that. Of course he was flattered. I hadn’t spoken to him probably since he was ten. He was a friend of my little brother’s. It was weird because it felt like I had been talking to him all along. We’ll see what transpires. I’m only looking for friendship now. Maybe when I’m eighty-two I’ll be ready for an out and out relationship! Ahahaha!

  • Let it fly! I always did speak my mind the difference is that I seem to get in less trouble now. I don’t know maybe people just expect it now or they have just learned to ignore me better! One of my favorite comments came from a friend of mine, he said You don’t have an internal editor, do you? I laughed so hard I almost peed myself and then told him Sure I do, I just turned it off!
    I never have been patient, I just say what I mean and expect others to do the same.

  • 50 and hormone possessed.. haaa good stuff Sandee. I look forward to more. thanks for the laugh out loud chuckle this morning! Fist bumps to you

  • I’m never the first person to leave a comment…I have to SCURRY down here so that I won’t be influenced by what anyone else says…first of all, Happy (Belated) Birthday, you seem to be approaching all of this with way more style and grace than I am.

    I have too much swerve as well. It’s tough. Facebook is the root of all evil, I waste so much time there for no good reason, I have crushes too…

    I’ve been missing you.


    • Thanks for your kind words Dawn! And I miss your posts as well. Your writing is very refreshing.

      We have something in common. We agree Facebook is the root of all evil 😦

      See you soon hopefully…


    • ‘Rat-a-tat cadence’ — no he d’int! Ahahahha! I want to talk like this — maybe I’ll talk like one of the women in George Cukor’s “The Women,” from 1939. BEST LINE EVER in this movie — Joan Crawford’s having an affair with a woman’s husband. The woman see’s Joan Crawford and says, “My husband would never go for an outfit like that.” Joan Crawford says, “When Bill (or whatever his name is) doesn’t like what I’m wearing, I take it off.” Wow!

      Hey wait-a-minute!!! — you have rotary phones??!!! Wha!??

      So your rat-a-tat cadences might consist of plenty of ‘Why I oughta’s,” and “Why yous,” and “If I never in a million years see the likes of you, I’ll be a better man for its!” — Hey this could be fun, thinking up different ones of these today!

        • Those Warner Brothers dames were something, weren’t they? Love ’em!

          As for the rotary phone, another thing you gotta say is “See?” As in, “Listen, you palooka, I’m gonna come over there, see? And make you regret you was ever born, see?”

          And yup, I have two rotary phones. I have an original 1920 candlestick in my home office and and pretty damn good replica of a 1940s pay phone in my kitchen. You can see the candlestick in the background of this pic: http://mikeallegra.com/qa/. It has the loudest ring in the world.

  • Why I just gotta get my hands on one a those, see? I didn’t know that type of phone was called a candlestick phone. That phone is definitely cool beans!

    I’ll bet that ring is loud as heck! That ring would take me back to when we had the phone number LO9-5764 from 1964 to 1979, no area code necessary to dial if you dialed from the same state. The LO stood for Lorraine — who the hell’s Lorraine?! “This is the operator. May I have the number that you are trying to call?”

  • Candlesticks are pretty hard to find these days. I got mine more than 20 years ago. While my friends were spending money on cars and stereo systems, I was paying some guy my hard earned cash to restore an ancient telephone. If I was rich I would be called eccentric. But I’m not, so “nuts” will certainly do.

    • Hey look see heah, now you’re a guy after my own heart. ~sigh~ I wish I were rich so I could be called eccentric. I thoroughly agree with the way you choose to spend your hard earned cash.

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