Scorpio

Brigitte’s post on astrology made me think of my sad history with being a Scorpion.  My parents used Linda Goodman’s astrology book as a child rearing tool.  Not cool.  They put me in a box and treated me a certain way because of my sign, whether or not I actually exhibited any of the traits.  Oh, she’s refusing to eat her asparagus — she’s a strong-willed Scorpion child.  She’ll grow up to be a doctor because she’s fearless and focused.  We’ve got to punish her more because she’s so stubborn. 

Not!  As I began reading astrology books, I thought, wow, Scorpions are badass.  I’m not worthy.  So I’ll just act the way Linda Goodman says we are in the book.  It backfired.  She said Scorpions have a penetrating stare.  So I stared, penetratingly, at people.  It was weird.  I loved the idea of getting revenge on all my little friends who had fucked me over, and Scorpions are known for revenge.  Right?  I thought that it was my job to get revenge on people because I was a Scorpion.  Well, any lame attempt that I made to get any earth-shattering revenge generally backfired – the people that I thought I was revenging didn’t know that they were being revenged.  And Scorpions are not supposed to be afraid of anything.  I was afraid of every fucking thing.

From the age of eight on I suffered from a disease called achalasia.  I became malnourished and couldn’t focus in school.  I was in special progress classes so became more intimidated because of my inability.  If my parents had known what to do, they would have done it.  I think my youthful parents and the disease did a lot to undermine my situation.  They didn’t have the resources to mentor me and to interact in a way that would nurture my natural personality.  While they gave me a brilliant childhood, my adolescence suffered because of the shortcomings.  Feeling the burden of being a Scorpion, I was unworthy.  My self-esteem suffered.

But as an adult who has found herself at the end of the journey, hell yeah, don’t mess with me – I got my mojo back.  No, I’m just finally experiencing my true nature.  I remember the two Scorpion types that Linda Goodman described, the grey lizard and the eagle.  Despite my effort to deprogram myself from my parent’s rearing on this, I believe I had been a grey lizard, a seething envious, imploding sort.  As an adult, I’m definitely the phoenix, or the eagle, and I do see a lot of the traits of Scorpio in me.  Though I always thought I was Aquarius rising, I had my chart done, and everything was in Scorpio.  I’ve been told I’m intense.  I still don’t like being judged by my sign.  Don’t think that I’m refusing to eat my asparagus just because I’m a Scorpion.  But I do share a birthday with Danny DeVito and Martin Scorsese – kick ass!