Published October 16, 2012 by Sandee

Sometimes when I’m anxious about the future, I think about what I have right now, plenty of food, an apartment, a job, clothes, friends, family.  I believe then that I’m completely taken care of.  All I have is now.  Read some zen.  They say that. Tomorrow doesn’t exist, nor does yesterday.  But it’s hard to live in the moment sometimes when there’s so much emphasis on planning the future.  There’s much to do to prepare for the future that would suit you best.  Right?  I also have to deprogram myself from notions in this culture that cause me to have anxiety about my status.

Fuck your gd status.  I have a cousin who broke the mold to do some wild things, after having owned a successful business for years.  Oh why oh why couldn’t I do something like that? — Because you, you’re me, that’s why – oh don’t be confused audience, see, I’m me talking to me, that’s all – I’m also talking to you, just having a conversation with me in front of you.

But like I say, I have food.  The café at the botanical garden where I work gives employees food they haven’t sold.  Everything they make has cheese in it which sucks. However the seductive qualities of cheese helps customers believe that the sandwiches are worth twenty-four dollars and ninety-nine cents.  At times my refrigerator is filled with cheese laden cuisine — quinoa with cheese, couscous with cheese, feta dates and herb salad, tuna and cheese, cheese snack bowls, mozzarella and tomato sandwiches.

I hate not taking free food.  If you eat cheese everyday will you die?  No silly heads – I know we’ll die die.  But I mean like, will I die sooner?  Is eating cheese everyday bad?  Don’t the French eat cheese everyday with wine and cigarettes?  Will I survive the next anxiety attack about my future?  Do you think I should move to France?

58 comments on “France

  • Sandee, if when you’re anxious, you’re entertaining and amusing. I have the bouts of anxiety myself and I love cheese and France. Maybe there’s a link somewhere. ;). I’ve always wanted to move to France. hmmm and I bet they have even better cheese there.

    Seriously, I would say don’t worry but that never works, instead I’ll just wish you lots and lots of peace inside and that’ll definitely help. xxoo

  • Anxiety sucks but you make it funny. I think we all have to put our blinders on and quiet ourselves. It’s all good. Eat your cheese and be happy. 🙂

  • I lived on nothing but jarlsberg for several months once! My roomate worked in a photo studio + they shot an ad: cutting a small wedge of jarlsberg out of a big wheel of it. They had to use a new wheel for every take! Our fridge looked like a jarlsberg warehouse! Its not bad stuff and the money we saved on food went for extra beer and pot! Their next campaign was Louis Sherry cherry vanilla ice cream! They cut pints in half to show the massive number of cherries. That lasted us a few more months lol. Good times!

  • It’s been a long time, but I’ve been to France, and I honestly don’t remember anything I ate. (In my defense, I was 18 and kind of stupid.) I do remember the art. I’d go back in a minute if I had the bucks. That way, I could appreciate the wine and food and art and everything else so much more.

    Don’t stress about your life too much. You’ve got to live the one that’s right for you. That took me a long time to figure out.

  • anxiety keeps me up all night.. gotta get my blinders on. As for cheese– everything tastes better with cheese,, right? Although your food sounds too fancy..give me american cheese or cheese pizza…or plain old cabot sharp cheddar
    Sandee don’t worry about the future.. you have excellent karma.
    I love when you talk to yourself 🙂 I feel so normal now.

  • I feel ya on this post.. Live for today people say, but what about tomorrow I think.. anxiety to the nth degree but after reading this post I think I’ll go get a grilled cheese sandwich and say to hell with it..
    PS- You could blog from France 🙂

  • I say to myself, “Myself”, I say, “France is THE solution”. Sandee your so clever!
    I’m still scrutinizing your wonderful book Sandee. I’m a slow reader, Mean-Spirited Tales makes me even slower. After eating the liver paté, I come back, looking for crumbs. Your character descriptions are fabulous. Honestly, I don’t really wanna end your book; as long as I’m reading Mean-Spirited Tales, I’m in New York, happy and laughing, eating liver paté.
    How is your readings coming along? Is feta dates worth trying?

    • Anette!!! Yay! Hope you’re well. I miss you in the sphere.

      I’m so glad you’re enjoying the book. I’m hoping to give a new meaning to Liver pate — tee hee hee!

      I have a reading scheduled for 10/27 at a neighborhood cafe. I wish you could come Anette — it would be so nice if we could meet one day, well, maybe one day…

      Feta and dates together is pretty damn good I must say.

      Sending hugs from the belly of the beast!


        • Hehehehe! I turn it into a skeevy affair! Thanks Anette — two days in a row I get to talk to you — yay!

          If you came to the reading I would find a way for sure to sign it.

          I think there is a way to actually do it but I have to investigate further.

          I hope you’ve had a great day Anette…

    • Aw, that warms my heart Mike.

      What do they say — where ever you go you take yourself. Yeah, those French people — I’m thinking of that movie last Tango in Paris — for some reason watching that makes me want to move there, drink a lot of scotch (why scotch — I dunno!) and smoke cigarettes but of course 🙂

  • Being the fellow-American who lives in France….(wow, sandwiches cost $24 now? Shit, I’ll never be able to come home!) I just have to tell you, I am SO anxious it’s not even funny. I’m strangled with my own anxiety most of the time, just like I was when I lived in America. I do get to eat a huge variety of cheeses and it shows on my butt. I used to always smoke everywhere here in France, even going to the luggage carousel at the airport, straight off the plane…many others did likewise but now it’s less possible plus I’ve become too old to smoke and breath so I had to quit. (causing me to get even fatter and feel even more angst-ridden and drink far more wine than anyone polite really should.) So today, I’m trying to be happy about everything I have too…without wine/cigarettes/cheese.

    What I’m trying to say is, wherever you go, there you are.

    Existential Cheese Bisous,

    • Uh boy do I know what it’s like to be strangled by anxiety. Cheese doesn’t help, I tell you that much — maybe sex — nah — not even that! Basically I have to just ‘walk it off’ so to speak.

      I tried to visualize being able to smoke at the luggage carousel — cool beans!

      And guess what? — Cheese sticks on my butt toooooo!

  • I’d say move to France. Whether or not we will die quicker due to cheese consumption is a good question, but even if we did, I’d still rather be dead in France than alive in Middle of Nowhere, NC.

  • Move to France and take me with you… Between the two of us, I think we are smart enough to open up and run our own vineyard. And then we can drink wine and walk everywhere and look really really thin and French like. Yay or nay?

  • A wise teacher I had once said “Don’t look back, and don’t look too far forward because you’ll just scare yourself.” So, you’re looking too far forward and could you please pass some of that cheese? Looks yummy! xoM

  • “If you eat cheese everyday will you die?” No, you may just get a lot of yeast infection. 😀 … I believe we all think, and sometime lose sleep over our future. Believe me, you’re not alone.
    P.S. i got the bit with you talking to yourself. I do it all the time…. Very witty post.:-)

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