Published October 12, 2012 by Sandee

It’s a racket!  Go ahead — throw money at these people.  They just want you to buy all their stuff.  A fall wardrobe, winter wardrobe – Oh spring’s here, I need a spring jacket–bah!  You can wear that same jacket in spring as in the fall.  I ain’t no slave to consumerism!  It makes no sense to have all these clothes.  Who cares what’s in fashion.  Clothes from 1982 cover your ass the same way in 2012.

Yeah I got thirty year old clothes.  So I know how holes work in clothes.  In shirts, holes start in the arm-pit area.  In pants it’s the crotch.  Crotch holes were in at one time so people thought I was in style — hehehe.  I wear clothes until they fall off.  I just had to throw away my grey shirt.  The holes in the arm pits were so big that the shoulder part wouldn’t stay on.  But I know how to beat the system.  When I wear shirts with holes I put jackets over them so no one sees.  Sometimes I get compliments on my overall look.  These people don’t know I have holes and that gives me the inner titters, like the time I went on an interview wearing a skirt suit with no drawers on.

On occasion I’ll wear a holey shirt straight out in the open.  I’ve been doing holes for years.  Back in the eighties my boss said they called me ‘corporate militant’ behind my back because I wore runny stockings and holes sometimes.  Mme. Weebles will tell you the panty hose industry’s a racket.  Oh wait a minute – oh wow — years ago another boss bought me all these clothes – I know sexist, inappropriate, yeah, yeah – anyway, I thought it was because he liked me but now as I’m typing this, I’m thinking maybe it was because he felt sorry for me.

When I want to, I know how to dress up.  And, when I do it, I do it right.  I have a Persian lamb coat and leather pants that I paid lots of money for.  But I’m no fool.  I made sure to wear those pants every day since I paid so much for them.

My clothes are like old friends.  They know my body better than a one night stand. While I think dressing up can be an art, generally I think getting dressed is a pain in the ass.  I’d rather be naked.  I’m naked now.  My ass by the way is clean.  It’s important to be clean when you wear your clothes a couple of days in a row. Oh yeah, and I change my drawers everyday — when I wear them – AND — I always floss. It’s not cool to wear your clothes everyday and have plaque on your teeth at the same time.

48 comments on “Naked

  • Haha! I bet you really rocked those crotch holes!
    And maybe you could bring armpit hole ‘in’? Why bare shoulders when you can bare your pits?! Only the most secure women can wear pit holes. Yes, lets do this!

    • Hehehehe! You bet I rocked those crotch holes!

      Hmmm…maybe we COULD start an arm pit hole trend, yes. It just takes a few people to start. Next thing you know fashion mavens far and wide pick up on it and — bam! — it’s on Project Runway — New York fashion week. After all fashion starts in the streets.

      Yeah, lets DO this!

  • Definitely floss every day. If I have decent jeans, t-shirts, and Converse, I have a wardrobe. I’m all excited right now because I’ve finally figured out what bra size I should be wearing, and I’ve got some being shipped even as I type. (FYI, I did not know they went that far into the alphabet for cup sizes; I’m not at the end of the spectrum, but I’m closer to it than the beginning.)

    • Yes, I just wish people realized how essential flossing is.

      I hope your hair style came out good today — and this is indeed exciting to have a bra that actually fits — yeah, while I imagine you’re within the norm on the other end of the spectrum, I think that lady in the Guinness Book has Zs, or ZZZs. I google imaged her — wowza!! I hope you’re satisfied with your new bras.

  • Sounds like you have a perfect church wardrobe. Holy skirts, holy shirts… I don’t go to church often, but if I do, I have plenty of holy underwear I can wear.

  • inner titters….love your way with words Sandee! I’m with you on the clothes are old friends….thanks for the morning chuckle (smile)

  • Hahahha! I’m totally with you. I’ve always thought I could rock one of those little communist China black uniforms with the Mandarin collar. I’d wear that thing everyday and when it feel apart I’d replace it with another one. I don’t even wear jewelry. Well, once in awhile I’ll put on my silver hoops. My 1970’s hoops. And I’m good to go.
    It’s not like I’m out ploughing a field or chopping wood. Unless you have a majorly physical job, why would you wash your clothes everyday? Not me.

    • This had me laughing — rocking the communist China uniforms! Yes! I wanted to get uniforms here where I work but I couldn’t get any back up on that from my colleagues. And I agree about washing clothes every day — what bunk! I tell ya, it’s a racket I say!

  • I have a strange, uncomfortable relationship with my clothing….I like the Chinese communist uniform idea a lot. It would spare me loads of anxiety. Your comment about clean drawers reminded me of how my grandmother always told me it was extremely important to change my panties every day in case I was found unconscious by firemen. (as if that would be the only worthwhile reason I would be able to grasp.) Much later in life when I no longer had grandparents at all I had a one-night stand with a fireman in an emergency vehicle and could think of nothing else. (almost. yeah, my drawers were clean!)


  • Sandee, you are hilarious and I love the curvy lady pic. I hate shopping, always have for clothes. When I force myself to do it sometimes, I’ll try something on and think, I have something that looks much like this and it looks better. I’m not a crazy consumer either, more of a conscious and choosy one. And I conserve. And like you, I floss EVERY DAY.

    I had a halter when I was 19 or 20 that my Mom made out of a soft, soft potato sack material — yeah a potato sack. It was off white and she sewed a rose in the center. It was so hippie and cool and I wish I’d kept it. I have clothes from years ago too.

    Great post.

  • Pantyhose are a HUGE racket. Like you, I’ve never been a clothes horse. I buy clothes when the ones I have either get way too big, way too small, or have too many holes to be patched up decently. Not long ago I was looking at some photos of me from about 20 years ago, and I realized that in the photo I was wearing the same shirt that I had on that day.

  • Comment?

    Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

    You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

    Facebook photo

    You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

    Connecting to %s

    %d bloggers like this: