Cheap Phone Camera Pictures of a Virtually Zombie-Free Road

Published September 15, 2012 by Sandee

I’ve been taking a new way home from work to avoid riding the bus with zombies masquerading as people.  As soon as you turn away they smack their fists in their hands and point at me.  They peel the latex ‘people’ skin from their face to show me decaying flesh then stick it back on before anyone else sees them.  Sometimes the bus is filled with them because they know this is my usual route.

So this is my new route home.

It’s the back roads of Riverdale in the Bronx.   There are others walking here but it’s rather quiet.  Since there are mansions on one side and a few houses speckled on the other by the river, I might be saved by a compassionate homeowner if one of those stinking dead bastards comes.

I imagine this road in the fall when the leaves turn Halloweeny and the moon is huge and orange with the wicked witch flying through it on her broom, and I get all oogie.

That white speck is a zombie but I’m behind the tree.

This walking path is like a country road with the woods and the river.  The people who live here don’t make the path less twiggy and gnarly because they don’t want riff raff like me too comfortable on it.

The road leads back to a luxury apartment area winding east.  At the end where the road curves back is a quaint old apartment complex, units crookedly piled on top of one another on a natural terrace jutting out over the river.  Each unit has an iron terrace and the roofs are rust colored, corrugated.  There’s ivy crawling all over the buildings.  There’s a serene view of the river and the palisades.  Woods are across the street.  Next to that is a prewar building, rather average but attractive, resembling the kind in my neighborhood.  It also juts out over the river.  It’s strange to see a building like that in a privileged position.

I’m going to live there.  That’s also why I walk this route, to get used to it when I have to come home this way, zombies or not.

But now, for my trip home from work this way, after a mile and a half, I get on a bus that zombies refuse to ride.   They don’t know where I live and they’re not blog readers.  A few are starting to get on Facebook, but I blocked them.  Trying to avoid them is exhausting but I don’t want to become a zombie anytime soon, so it’s what I accept.  They want to eat my superior brain and I can’t do anything about that.

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24 comments on “Cheap Phone Camera Pictures of a Virtually Zombie-Free Road

  • Hahaha! I LOVE this Sandee! I wish I could jump inside your brain for a minute to see how it works (don’t worry, I’m not a zombie). I love the area of Riverdale. That’s where a good part of my Father’s family is from. I like the mix of unexpected woodsiness and buildings. Now when I think of you, I’m gonna picture you on that path, wearing an invisible Zombie shield, of course.

    • I believe if you jumped into my brain, you’d want to high tail it out of there asap as it’s a deranged mangle sodden with mish mosh!

      So you know Riverdale! It’s fabulous here. And it’s close to the city which is good. Those apartments on the river make me crazy. The ones I mentioned are a little beat up looking — not like the luxury ones — and that appeals to me. They have some character.

      You remind me that I need to go on ebay for one of those invisible zombie shields — thanks Grippy!

  • I’ve heard about some zombie attacks in the Bronx, but not in Riverdale…yet. But I refuse to go to Van Cortlandt Park anymore because of the last incident. You’re wise to avoid zombies, Sandee, because you just KNOW they’d find your brain irresistibly delicious.

  • This is why I cannot be seen with out my machete.

    Oh sure, the neighbors call me “That Crazy Guy with the Knife Who Lives in the Boarded Up House,” but luck favors the prepared, and soon this prepared fellow is gonna get all kinds of stabby.

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