The gnarled branches of a majestic, ancient tree with veined leaves telling tales of — shit! I wanted to say this, poetically, like Unfettered BS or Boomie Bol in their renderings – I wanted to be classy, but I just can’t do it. I was trying not to tell you straight up and crass the tale of ancient old ass people damned near fucking at the Hebrew Home for the Aged at Riverdale. “Look at ‘em — look! They do this every damn day,” my ninety year old grandma said as we were leaving the TV room. I turn around and holy shit, these two, gray bird, lovey doveys were a gnarled intertwined, unabashed hump-fest, tonguing away, arthritic hands pawing, ripping at each other from their chairs, with their walkers just inches away I tell you.
Vantastic, I say! I told you I wanted to recruit 90 year olds for my “outer-limits” porno movie. Well I think I found my leads.
My first installment will be called “Lust, Dementia, Decay and Depends.”
1800ukillme 
I could barely keep a straight face reading this he he he…I sure wish you took a picture lol. The movie would be such a hit lol
I swear I was gonna — but I had the good sense to ask the exercise teacher “I shouldn’t, right?” And she shook her head, no. Good Lord I wanted to BB!
Haha! This makes me want to hurl. Ewww.
Hahahaha! Sorry.
Ill! But, oddly enough, I think I would have like to see a pic of that as well. Gross!!!!!
It was one of the strangest things I’ve ever seen.
That first line, I think you had something going there. I bet next time you can come up with two lines. A couple of months and you’ll be there.
I think I’m stuck on crass Jon 😦
But you encourage me — perhaps I would be able to make up a little something poetic.
It is something else to see how so many of these guys seem to do it so easily. I used to write poetry quite often, but I couldn’t turn something out everyday like I see around here.
Sure, you can do it.
I’m not a poetry person. But I imagine I could be if I tried.
it boggles the mind!
Doesn’t it though? At least we have something to look forward to? A sex life after 80 lol!
im only 46 and I’m not sure I could have sex anymoer now lol and my gosh it would look awful lol
Oh Carla — I think it’d look beautiful… seriously!
I think its great we can fall in love….or just make out….when people think we’re past it!!! I wouldn’t care how I appeared to others, I’d just get in there and have a good time! What else is there to do while your waiting to die? You’ll be old one day, don’t forget!!!
Yes! I agree. I love your comment! Hopefully, we’ll get old — all of us! Why not embrace it — I don’t want to be disgusted by the way I look! I’d rather be wrinkled than be a plastic surgery victim pathetically trying to hold on in the most unnatural way.
I think it’s so very very cool that these two elderly people are in love (or lust) and don’t care who knows or sees. We should all be so lucky at that age. Go seniors, you’ve earned it!
Bravo! I agree 1000% I thought it was very lovely. It was something you don’t normally see, I mean, Brigitte, they were going at it! But all in all, I wasn’t disgusted by it in the least.
Ha ha! Sweet, gross, creepy, and funny–all rolled into one. Great title, by the way.
I’m glad you appreciate oldster lovers! My coworker’s mom is in the Hebrew Home also. I told her about this scene yesterday and she said, ‘Oh my, that might’ve been my mom.” Hahaha — love it! Her mom’s got a man at the Home! I gotta find my gramma one now 🙂
Well, if you don’t use it, you lose it, so more power to ’em. 🙂
Hahaha! Clever funny true!
One of the great pleasures of corporeal life is sex (the other is chocolate!). Soooo glad for proof that we can enjoy it for as loooonnnnngggg as we wish! xoxoxoM 😉
Yep! I was very inspired by that scene.
It always looks funny and strange when I see old people being affection towards each other. But it’s always sweet and beautiful… Don’t you ever change, your style is what makes you so unique.
Shauna! I really appreciate this. A girl could use some reassurance every now and again. I think it’s sweet and beautiful as well, seeing old people with that flame still going on.
thanks for the mention and Damn I could not do this post any justice.. this was very funny and well, gross. I am not sure I would want to see that– yes sweet they love each other but damn go to your room!!
I think you could do poetry..give it a whirl woman
Actually I have written a couple of poems. I’ve posted three. One’s called the Vagina Poem. I’m not a poetry writer per se, so I don’t lament my lack of poetry no pun intended 🙂 But I probably will give it a whirl here and there.
These oldsters should have gone to their room but they walk so damn slow it was probably easier for them to get their rocks off right then and there!
laughing.. thanks for that closing image
🙂
So. Funny. Holy crap.
I’m hoping to be this couple if I should live this long.
This post has made my day. Possibly my whole week.
And you saying this in turn has made my whole day and week! I appreciate that Pork Chop — thank you!
Let me say off the bat, that, while I love you blog, I do not share your enthusiam for your upcoming film project.
And now, because of you, I have Gnarled, Saggy, Wrinkly Old Person Sex stuck in my head.
So I guess what I’m saying i,s I hate you. I’ll get over it, but, yup, hate.
Does this mean I shouldn’t send you an invitation to the premiere? 😀
Yes. Yes, I think so.
Methuselah, Hezakiah and Gramma Moses’ll all miss you — boo hoo!