Outer-Limits Porn

Published August 25, 2012 by Sandee

I’m thinking of writing porn.  Everyone’s doing it.  But mine would be “outer-limits” porn.  My movie would have canned goods (But absolutely NO can openers!), Brillo pads, coffee filters, extension cords (naughty, eh?), and the entire cast, except for me, would be ninety years old – excluding my grandmother – how dare you imagine that I would allow my grandma to be in such filth!  You might have guessed that I cooked up (cooked up – ha!) this idea while in my kitchen.

I watched a snippet of Don Juan DeMarco with Johnny Depp, Marlon Brando and Faye Dunaway.  Marlon Brando and Faye Dunaway are old in it and they’re married.  There’s a scene with them in bed.  They kissed.  It got me horny.  That’s right — I think old people are hot — forget y’all!  I was mad they didn’t get butt naked.

I’ve written about my WWII veteran friend who’s one sexy bastid.  He’s eighty-six.  He raps, old school, and he killed bad people.  You can’t touch that.

I respect him too much so he can’t be in my movie even though he’s muy hotto and I know he would blow it up.  I just can’t see pimping him like that.  Plus he’s too young.  But I’ll interview some of his friends and some people from the Hebrew Home for the Aged at Riverdale – that’s where grandma is.  And I know oldsters who visit the gallery where I work.

It’ll be a problem if they don’t want to get naked.  But there won’t be animals in this movie for those of you into that kind of thing – blech!  I’ll keep you posted if I decide to do it or not.  Oh yeah, and no oxygen tanks because I’m using blow torches.

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52 comments on “Outer-Limits Porn

  • Ha ha ha SCB….you are so wicked funny, it’s brilliant. This “He’s eighty-six. He raps, old school, and he killed bad people. You can’t touch that.” could totally be a line in a rap song…perhaps soundtrack for your movie lol…

    This made me laugh

    • That’s right PM! Right on! But seriously, you’re right. Things are changing now with more old people around. I see it at the gallery — my veteran friend — he’s got a circle of vibrant oldster buddies. They drive, go out, run around, constantly!

  • 😀 No can opener huh? …blow torches, extension cords, a bunch of 90 yo’s… Add oxygen in some of the epic sequences, it’ll get them but naked, in case they should resist. This going Broadway!

  • I think you may be onto something here, Sandee. I’ve worked with seniors and they’re pretty smokin’ hot. You’ll probably want me on the set as a “Senior Wrangler” because I have experience in wiping old bottoms, spoon feeding, and putting them down for naps. You’ll also want to make sure that you have a good supply of Depends and Ensure on hand. Just some practical advice…

  • omg I am so trying to recover from falling off my chair laughing so hard! 90 yr olds, with blow torches, and thinking this 50 shades of GRAY would be hilarious, go for it, girl!

  • Dear Sandee,
    I’m not sure, but the no oxygen tank thing could be a problem!!!
    Sex burns a LOT of calories…those old peeps will have no breath left in em!
    Maybe you could have a lot of fans?
    I’m unfamiliar with how oxygen tanks work….maybe airflow works, too?
    Just a thought.
    This was one CRAZY post.
    I love it.
    ♥♥♥
    Love, Lis
    xoxox

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