She was hunched over, frail and carried a cane. At the edge of the steps about to walk down she looked so teeny, susceptible to an unhealthy tumble. “Sure you don’t want to take the elevator, Methuselah?” I said. “No, no, I’ll be fine,” she warbled. That lying wrinkly twat! I’d seen her before. We’d had the loveliest of chats — she’s 200 years old, she is, and had some stories to tell from the days of yore, as you might imagine. But the last time I recall she had taken the elevator, as I had suggested.
Well, I just couldn’t see it, her getting down those stairs in one piece. I ran to aid her. “I’ll help you — here,” I said offering my arm. “Well, I could just hold the banister,” she said. But it was two miles away from where we stood in the center of the steps. “Here, let me,” I said again. “Oh, o-okay,” she warbled taking my arm, and blibbity, bop, clop, cloppity, clack, crack – we both fell! “Oh, oh, I told you I wanted to hold the banister,” she bleated – “You meant well, but you don’t know how to hold a person,” she scolded. What the — why, I orta! We finally got her old ass up off the steps, she went to her car and drove away.
From here on end, any half-dead, dried up raisins I see who need help crossing the street, or stepping off the bus can kiss my ass! And I’ll be good goddamed if you get my seat on the bus – no, no, I’ll continue to do this – so people can see how magnanimous I am. But other than that I mean well, but I just don’t know how to hold a person — so fuck off and die!
Wow, she sure was a nasty old bat!! No good deed ever goes unpunished, obviously! What is it with these people? Something like that happened to me not that long ago, Sandee—I helped a elderly woman with her shopping cart up the stairs, and she said “I don’t need your help.” Fine, I’ll just fuck off then.
You still get brownie points for being a nice person—the old bat will get points deducted from her account, I’m sure!
Yeah, it’s a bummer when your good deed is ignored. I tell you, I jest about not helping old people anymore, but really I’ll think twice in a situation like the one today where I might be more of a hindrance than a help.
She’s probably just bitter from being old…it was nice of you to offer, i dont know if i would have offered again after the first time…
I know, I should just have listened to her the first time…
I-800-U-KILL-ME! Am inpatient & just read aloud for a friend – thanks!!!! We’re dying laughing!
Hee hee hee! Thanks MM! I love to hear you laugh 🙂
What an ole bitchy bat!!!
Indeed! You know I wonder if I had left her alone how she would’ve done — really — I was worried she’d tumble down all those steps. As it was, we just fell where we were — it was kinda funny!
You did something nice… Fuck it if she couldn’t take your kindness. You did good.
Yeah! My nephew always has my back! Thanks Le Clown 🙂
You really don’t know how to hold a person?
Apparently not… What up Ork!
that’ll teach her to be frail and old
Yeah! But I know I should have left her alone — she told me not to help her — totally my fault — forcing my help on someone!