Entenmann’s Cherry Cheese Danish

On the walk home with my groceries including my Entenmann’s cherry cheese danish that I totally planned to eat for dinner, a neighborhood drunk, sitting on the side of the historical house says, “I thought you was supposed to be losin’.”   That son of a bitch!  He sees me jogging all the time so I guess he felt like he was calling me on something.  [Warning to men: “Female Problems” Alert] I have fibroids that make my stomach stick out at “certain times.”  I was twisted with bags and wearing a tee-shirt so it was probably prominent.  I don’t have a weight problem.  I exercise regularly and generally eat quinoa, steamed vegetables every night – organic shit – that kind of thing.  So what he said didn’t make me want to run home, get on the scale and throw my danish away – I’m too old for that shit now.  My toothpick days are over, and it ain’t as bad as I would have imagined as a 25 year old neurotic who’d rather smoke than eat.  I do know this rat bastard – he’s one of the neighborhood bums and drunks that I plan to write about.  “How dare you?”  I said lamely, and went home where I indulged in a scrumptious meal of Doritios, orange ginger cookies and my Entenmann’s cherry cheese danish.  Suck my dick you greasy drunk bastard!