The Morals of a Rabid Squirrel

I hate gossip – okay so let me not be holier than thou – I don’t quite like gossip and talking bad about people for sport.  It appears that gossip and such is all some people can come up with to discuss.  This is the only conversation that they can muster.  Maybe they think it makes their lives seem interesting — being a receptacle of “juicy” hearsay dresses up their own dull lives.  They imagine people saying, “Look at all the fancy things she knows!  She’s soooo interesting!”

At work I received some gossip this morning.  I got off my high horse and listened attentively, reminding myself that I’m not perfect – why, there were moments when I’ve uttered something only realizing later that it was actually gossip!  So I listened and listened, said bye, bye and had a remembrance.

I worked with a woman once whom I loved loved loved.  Turns out some people there thought she was a hag shrew.  “I don’t want to hear what you’re saying to me about her, bad office gossiper you! – After all, I like the hag shrew,” I told them.  More came to tell me about the sins of the hag shrew – “Okay, whatever.  I love her, fuck off!”  I said.  Another came and said, “I want you to displace her – I think she’s a know-it-all and a big fat hag shrew!”  “Oh that’s so awful and mean,” I replied.  Finally, another came and said to me, “She waits for you to be surrounded by people then makes her attack to make you look bad!”  “Shoo, shoo,” I said.  “Oh but just you wait and see, she’ll do it to you!” Said this shatterer of my illusions.

The shatterer of my illusions was right.  The hag shrew turned on me like a rabid squirrel.  She did every goddamned thing they said she’d do and more!  This was a church where I worked and this hag shrew used to be a fucking nun!  If you need anything more to shatter your vision of organized religion I give you permission to use this as an example.  The church was nothing more than a corporation and the senior minister was a CEO.

Ah well, the moral of the story is, well there are a few morals to this story.  Number A, never trust a rabid squirrel; number B, never ever befriend a hag shrew nun – and number C, never get your morals from a goddamned church!