Non-nictitating Pork Sandwich

Published May 31, 2012 by Sandee

“You’re making fun of me because I’m deformed?”

“You’re trying to wink at me but your nictitating muscles aren’t functioning properly.”

“You’re a hateful person.”

“You smell of man funk covered over in cheap cologne.  But, not to worry, when you get that facial thing healed you’ll be restored to your former state of average handsomeness, and all the half-ass bitches will continue falling all over you — unless you keel over from eating too many hamburgers first.”

“You’re not a very nice person.  Not the person I used to think you were.”

“And who did you think that I was?  Someone who’d follow you to Best Western for a five minute fuck?  Frankly I think that’s all you’re worth — if that.  I think you’re a pork sandwich.”

“You stupid bitch!  Sam says you’re an alcoholic!  I can see that now — you MUST be drinking!”

“Darling I haven’t had a drink in years.  I swear you boys are such gossips.  What else did he tell you about me?”

“Do you REALLY want to know?”

Oh brother!  I thought it was well known that I would have him wreck me anywhere, anytime, any place with any implement.  What?!”

“You really stink!”

“And you really can’t nictitate.”

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27 comments on “Non-nictitating Pork Sandwich

  • My tummy ache won’t let me laugh as I want to but this is so funny my insides are dying from laughter control…you are too clever, too funny. Started reading my book, got through 2 stories and I enjoyed them…I am hoping tomorrow is mellow so I can continue. I always enjoy and look forward to your posts… Too funny

    Sweet Dreams!!!

  • Speaking for non-funk stank men everywhere, we do like soap and shampoo on a regular basis. Except for my young brother. Back in the day, his stank could make a donkey pass out.

    • Why Sir Le Clown, what a pleasure to see you! I’m glad you like my post! It’s interesting, because I was doubtful about it — I was really tired when I posted it. I didn’t think I’d post anything at all I was so freakin’ tired. I came up with this imaginery conversation between me and this rock-headed guy I know. Thanks Eric, hope you’re having a good day!

  • I had to google nictitate.

    freedictionary.com says this: nic·ti·tate (n k t -t t ) also nic·tate (n k t t ). intr.v. nic·ti·tat·ed also nic·tat·ed, nic·ti·tat·ing also nic·tat·ing, nic·ti·tates also nic·tates. To wink. See Synonyms at blink

    urbandictionary.com doesn’t even have the word so I’m adding my own definition.
    nic-ti-tate To stutter relentlessly while holding a cigarette between your tits and taking a huge drag.

    New favorite word.
    Thanks SCB =)

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