“You’re making fun of me because I’m deformed?”
“You’re trying to wink at me but your nictitating muscles aren’t functioning properly.”
“You’re a hateful person.”
“You smell of man funk covered over in cheap cologne. But, not to worry, when you get that facial thing healed you’ll be restored to your former state of average handsomeness, and all the half-ass bitches will continue falling all over you — unless you keel over from eating too many hamburgers first.”
“You’re not a very nice person. Not the person I used to think you were.”
“And who did you think that I was? Someone who’d follow you to Best Western for a five minute fuck? Frankly I think that’s all you’re worth — if that. I think you’re a pork sandwich.”
“You stupid bitch! Sam says you’re an alcoholic! I can see that now — you MUST be drinking!”
“Darling I haven’t had a drink in years. I swear you boys are such gossips. What else did he tell you about me?”
“Do you REALLY want to know?”
“Oh brother! I thought it was well known that I would have him wreck me anywhere, anytime, any place with any implement. What?!”
“You really stink!”
“And you really can’t nictitate.”
1800ukillme 
My tummy ache won’t let me laugh as I want to but this is so funny my insides are dying from laughter control…you are too clever, too funny. Started reading my book, got through 2 stories and I enjoyed them…I am hoping tomorrow is mellow so I can continue. I always enjoy and look forward to your posts… Too funny
Sweet Dreams!!!
You are so sweet! I’m glad you’re enjoying the stories. And a girl could use a little encouragement now and then, goodness knows! I hope you feel better and also get a good night’s sleep.
“You smell of man funk covered over in cheap cologne”
Sounds like he was describing boyfriends #1-5 of mine.
That’s funny! That odor is the worstest! I’d rather take my funk straight up rather than covered over in Old Spice!
Speaking for non-funk stank men everywhere, we do like soap and shampoo on a regular basis. Except for my young brother. Back in the day, his stank could make a donkey pass out.
Oh Fred — you got me really laughing with this — you’re funny! ‘Non-funk stank men…make a donkey pass out…’ Ahahahaha!
LOL I’m here all week. Try the fish.
Sandee,
This was hands down my favourite post of the day. Don’t you wish the day would just end now?
Le Clown
Why Sir Le Clown, what a pleasure to see you! I’m glad you like my post! It’s interesting, because I was doubtful about it — I was really tired when I posted it. I didn’t think I’d post anything at all I was so freakin’ tired. I came up with this imaginery conversation between me and this rock-headed guy I know. Thanks Eric, hope you’re having a good day!
“Man funk covered in cheap cologne” conjures up a very specific aroma. You really are an incredible descriptive writer, Sandee!
Thanks Mme. Weebles! I want to share the pain!
Man funk over cheap cologne !!! I know him…
Nancy! Thanks for stopping by! We all know him, huh? I’ll tell you the back story one day!
LOVE!!! Thank you!
And I thank you for stopping by MM!
Oh Wow, sure sounds like a lot of men… sadly! lol, thanks for the giggles!
From the comments it appears so Claire! Thanks for stopping by!
Your welcome, I slapped your name on my page today. Hope you don’t mind 🙂
I don’t mind at all Claire — I’m thankful that you find me worthy! It’s a pleasure…
Nictitate. That has to be the dirtiest-sounding non-dirty word I’ve heard in a long time. Mmm. Nictitate.
Hmmm — now I’m going to look at this word in a different light! I could say to buffoon’s, “nictitate motherf**kers!” Tee hee! Or I could say it before an ‘interlude’…
I had to google nictitate.
freedictionary.com says this: nic·ti·tate (n k t -t t ) also nic·tate (n k t t ). intr.v. nic·ti·tat·ed also nic·tat·ed, nic·ti·tat·ing also nic·tat·ing, nic·ti·tates also nic·tates. To wink. See Synonyms at blink
urbandictionary.com doesn’t even have the word so I’m adding my own definition.
nic-ti-tate To stutter relentlessly while holding a cigarette between your tits and taking a huge drag.
New favorite word.
Thanks SCB =)
I like your definition better than the original one! It just makes more sense! Thanks Stacie!
Frankly, I think you might have insulted pork sandwiches everywhere. I’d definitely prefer a good pork sandwich to a 5 minute fuck with a stinky guy.
Ahahahahahaha!! You know, I think you might be right PM!
The people have spoken! Well Done!!!!!!!!!!!! Teehee
Yeah, memba, I didn’t like it, you didn’t like it — who knew!