Okay, Bye Bye Now Gus!

Published May 15, 2012 by Sandee

Ahahahahaaa!   Why?  Why!?  Without fail, when I take the bus to see my sister and I’m one of three black folks on it —  and of course, I want not to be sitting next to anyone — one of the only three black people chooses to sit next to me!

You see I used to be ‘mature,’ magnanimous, civic minded.  I used to say, ‘Why, I won’t rest my bag in this seat next to mine like those other meany selfish selfies.  If someone wants to sit next to me they’re more than welcome.  By golly, they’ve paid their fare just as I, and they deserve to feel welcome here.’

That was before a big ‘ol fat black lady sat next to me three years ago.  After four hours with my bus buddy, I had no circulation in my right arm, leg and ass cheek.  Fuck that shit no more!  Thenceforth, I act like one of the meany selfish selfies.  But do you think this old black guy on my bus to MA this time gave a flying fuck?  No.  “Can I sit here next to you?”  He says.  So I rolled my eyes and lifted my passenger repelling baggage and let the old buzzard sit.  Do you know what he said to me?  First of all one of my rules is never to talk to plane, bus, train, or boat mates as the energy is uselessly spent unless they’re offering me a job making lots and lots of money.  He says to me, “Hi, how are you?”  Motherfuck!   Of course my answer was, “Arrrhggghh.”  He was a nightmare, twitching and rubbing up against my arm and such.  At some point he starts humming “Somewhere Over the Rainbow!”

The bus made a stop for us to get food.  I got me some, he got him some then we come back to our seats.  I finished eating and he looks at me and says, “It’s good after eating, you seem more awake now.”  “Yeah,” I said frowning.  He leans forward and peers over the seat in front of his and giggles then.   He had an African accent (I’m sorry but I can’t distinguish region — he sounded like my brother-in-law who’s from Uganda — sue me!)  “She’s so small.”  I’m thinking, that’s funny, his saying that about a fellow passenger — I was beginning to like him.  “Who?”  I ask.  “The bus, it starts to move but I don’t see anyone driving.”  “Ohhhhh, the bus driver is small, you mean?”   “Mmm hmm,” he said nodding.   Now this got me laughing, hard.  We became bus buddies — yay!

He told me he was from Sierra Leone, he was 63, married with two children and that he lived in Worcester.  I found out also that he would be taking the Metro Boston Rail after getting off of the bus.  “Me too — what do you know,” I said.  Needless to say after saying bye bye now nice talking to you Gus, I ditched the shit out of him — he was old and had fifty million bags — not hard to do.  I’d done enough to talk as much as I did on the bus with him — riding the train with him into Worcester would’ve been pushing it!

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13 comments on “Okay, Bye Bye Now Gus!

  • That kind of shit happens to me on city buses, for crying out loud. Once I got on a bus at the first stop and I happened to be the only person who got on so I had the whole bus to myself. At the next stop, one other person got on. Don’t you think that jackass SAT NEXT TO ME???? WTF??? Why do people DO that??

    But back to your story. Gus sounds like a crazy old loon. And you get bonus karma points for putting up with him for that whole ride.

    • This happened to Adrienne too! That’s just crazy — maybe these people who sit next to you on an empty bus don’t perceive the notion of personal space the way a lot of us do! Yeah Gus, he wasn’t the ideal seat mate!

  • You live in Worcester? My girlfriend lived there for 12 or 13 years.
    On another note, I was riding the bus one day and it was empty except for me and one other guy and a woman who had just gotten on, comes and sits in the seat right next to me. She had a wicked bad cough too. I was so annoyed. Only sit by me if you absolutely have to or I know you. Two rules never to be broken.

    • Actually I live in Manhattan — I was visiting my sister in Holden MA which is next to Worcester. They did live in Worcester for two seconds! That’s insane — when someone sits next to you on an empty bus! Makes me wonder with her wicked cough and all what kind of mind she was working with. Craaaazyyy!

  • I haven’t taken a bus in years but something tells me the first time I do I’ll either get a person that stares @ me or a non-stop talker sitting smack dab beside me..
    you played it rather cool I might add..and why do old people have to tote so many damn bags..

  • Genius. But really, can you imagine all the tags you could have added just for silliness’ sake? “tiny bus drivers” “escape from Sierra Leone to, wait, WORCESTER MASS?????”, etc., etc. ,etc.

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