The Star of the Porno Downstairs

Published January 25, 2015 by Sandee

I was nervous about who might be moving in after the neighbors under me moved. They were quiet.

I listen to hardcore. But I have rules. I listen for only an hour at the level where somebody might hear it, and not before 10am or after 10pm. I also walk barefoot, and lightly.

We have to be reasonable about apartment life. You expect to hear vague rumblings of movement. Maybe you’ll hear people screwing.

People would tell me how they heard neighbors screwing. I never did, until now.

Finally, a month after the great neighbors below me moved, someone moved in. After a week I thought, Gee, he masturbates loudly.

While exercising lying on the floor, I heard his usual loud crying out. I pressed my ear to the floor. Gasp! I heard the woman!

This couple below me fuck almost every day!

And he’s loud for a dude! Usually you just hear the chick. I had a guy once who screamed like he was being murdered. The inflection of his screaming wasn’t sexual where it trails off ecstatically. It was more like a blood curdling scream.

I had to know what this new couple looked like.

But the nerve of this guy coming up to my apartment at 9:30pm on the weekend to complain about my music. It wasn’t that loud, for chrissake.

He knocks on my door. I’m naked and can’t open it.

Yes, I say through the peephole.

I’m your neighbor downstairs.

It’s the “fucking” guy! You need me to turn my music down?

Yeah.

Okay. I’m sorry. Goodnight, I says.

I tried getting a look at him through the peephole. I saw he was wiry. I had missed the opportunity to meet the star of the porno downstairs. Hey – I’ll throw on clothes and go down there – apologize about not opening the door – I’ll say I want to properly introduce myself.

So I knock on his door — and the “fucking” guy – he did what I had done and didn’t open his door.

Hi, just wanted to say I didn’t mean to be rude by not opening the door. I was getting ready to shower before, which is why I couldn’t open the door, I lie.

He tells me through the peep hole, Oh yeah, me too, now.

Uh, okay — have a good night, I says.

The “fucking” guy was probably naked and getting ready to fuck again.

I did meet him in the elevator last week and properly introduced myself. It was great! He wasn’t bad looking.

I think I might’ve finally met his girl too. Yesterday I got on the elevator with a red head. We said hello then she got off on the floor below mine and walked in the direction of the line I’m in – that had to be her!

Now, it’s white noise to me – sort of – I guess – unless I’m having a spell, you know.

I suppose I should “get a life.”

 

 

VIVA LA PAPPA CON POMODORO!

Published January 12, 2015 by Sandee

Rita_Pavone_1965

I wanted to know what the song was from the Heineken commercial. I detected that the language was Italian, and that it was probably from the 1960s.

I imagined an Italian Ann Margret type, hair all over the head, hip gyrations, mini dress, heavy mascara – that sort of a thing – oh my god I want to sing this! Anyhow, I found the singer. Rita Pavone! Damn she’s so fucking cute I can’t take it. The opposite of what I expected. ~Swoon~ I tried deciphering the translated lyrics — something to do with soup and tomatoes and a revolution or somethingorother. ~Shrug~ Hope there’s no evil underlying meaning or anything like that ’cause I love this fucking song! Yay! Eeee-yahhh papapapapahhhhhh!

Tallulah Bankhead!

Published January 7, 2015 by Sandee

Tallulah

I had the flu, so I stayed home and watched Cary Grant movies and this Tallulah Bankhead movie, “Die! Die! My Darling!” I know Tallulah Bankhead had done worthier films and in fact, I had always been intrigued by her, so I looked her up. We all know Wikipedia is “iffy,” but if the basics stand, Tallulah was completely deranged, someone I’d like to party with. Here are excerpts from the page:

…During these early New York years, she became a peripheral member of the Algonquin Round Table and was known as a hard-partying girl-about-town. …[She] began to use cocaine and marijuana, going as far as saying, “Cocaine isn’t habit-forming and I know because I’ve been taking it for years.”

…She didn’t like Hollywood either; when she met producer Irving Thalberg, she asked him, “How do you get laid in this dreadful place?”

Her 1932 movie Devil and the Deep is notable for the presence of three major co-stars, with Bankhead receiving top billing over Gary Cooper, Charles Laughton and Cary Grant. It is the only film with Cooper and Grant as the film’s leading men. She later said, “Dahling, the main reason I accepted [the part] was to fuck that divine Gary Cooper!”

In 1933, Bankhead nearly died following a five-hour emergency hysterectomy due to venereal disease. Only 70 pounds (32 kg) when she left the hospital, she stoically said to her doctor, “Don’t think this has taught me a lesson!”

She rented a home at 1712 Stanley Street, in Hollywood and began hosting parties that were said to “have no boundaries”.

Bankhead circulated widely in the celebrity crowd of her day and was a party favorite for outlandish stunts, such as doing cartwheels in a skirt while wearing no underwear or entering a soirée stark naked.

Rumors about Bankhead’s sex life have lingered for years, and she was linked romantically with many notable female personalities of the day, including Greta Garbo, Marlene Dietrich, Eva Le Gallienne, Hattie McDaniel, and Alla Nazimova, as well as writer Mercedes de Acosta and singer Billie Holiday. Actress Patsy Kelly claimed she had a sexual relationship with Bankhead when she worked for her as a personal assistant.

Bankhead never publicly described herself as being bisexual. She did, however, describe herself as “ambisextrous”.

She had been investigated by MI5 during the 1920s amid rumors she was corrupting pupils at Eton. The documents alleged that she seduced up to half a dozen private schoolboys into taking part in “indecent and unnatural” acts.

On December 12, 1968, Bankhead died in St. Luke’s Hospital in Manhattan at 7:45 a.m., aged 66. The cause of death was pleural pneumonia, complicated by emphysema, malnutrition, and possibly a strain of the Hong Kong flu which was running worldwide at that time. Her last coherent words reportedly were, “Codeine … bourbon.”

Hattie McDaniel? The Hong Kong flu? Even her death was extravagant.

Well folks, my next post may be about how I had to quit Clark Gable for Cary Grant. Until next time!

Godzilla!!!

Published December 16, 2014 by Sandee

decorations VI

“Godzilla” by Fu Manchu, my new song “for an evening of romance.” Feel the pulsation:

Other than that, all’s well and I need to take down my Halloween decorations:

decorations II decorations IIIdecorations IV

I hope all the folks I’ve been blogging with the last couple of years are doing well!

decorations V

So long!

Love,

Sandee

 

 

 

 

The Norm of Evil

Published October 23, 2014 by Sandee

I told my neighbor once that I want to be Kathleen when I grow up. “Oh really!” He said, looking at me sideways. Though we love her, she has a reputation for being — mean. Kathleen’s old, 87, and lives two floors down from me. She never married and rides her bike everyday. I gave her the bike helmet my dad bought me fifteen years ago. I was too vain to wear it. She still uses it. She’s feisty, independent and has a foul-mouth. She’s pretty with a pixie cut, sharply-defined chin and clear eyes. Kathleen came from Ireland in the ‘50s and has a slight brogue. When I’m running to and from like most people, she’s ambling along the street with Molly Malone, the tiny dog she named after a prostitute. “Oh hurry, hurry, hurry! — It’ll be the death of you, dear!” She’ll screech after me, her way of expressing the slight she feels when “we youngins” don’t have time to shoot the shit with her.

Her voice sweeps up in cadence at the end of her biting observations. I found her “observations” at one time quaint and refreshing. “Ooohhh what a little cunt that one is!” She’d say referring to the old French woman Hélène who lived in this building. I sort of agreed with that observation, but later decided that Kathleen had too many “observations” about people and that perhaps I didn’t want to be like her. She was too damn mean.

On her way to church, she told me about the woman she took to emergency one night. “Oh, Sandee she’s ab-solutely looney tunes! I picked her up and she was dripping in jewels as if she were going to the ball – when we were just going to the fucking emergency room.” The woman happened to have just walked by. Kathleen more or less talked about her in front of her face. “That’s not nice, Kathleen,” I said.

Another time she said she hated the banality, “Have a nice day.” I told her that we could use it as a euphemism for “fuck off and die.” So then I’d see her while I was rushing in and out the way she hates and I’d say in passing “Have a nice daaay!”

Yesterday she had the sweetest demeanor. I hadn’t seen her in a while. I hugged her. I know she needs love. She just gets on my nerves with that negativity shit – to the point where I avoided her last summer. She said, “I don’t know why I’m so happy all the time now.” There was a trembling vulnerability about her. We talked. “I was even humming earlier – that’s not me — for God’s sake Sandee, I think I’m going senile!” She said. Before I finished laughing she asked if I had planned to freeze my eggs, switching the subject quickly the way old people do often because of the ticking clock. “I hate eggs,” I told her. “These eggs.” She pointed to her stomach. “Hell no. I hate kids – I mean I don’t hate kids, I just never thought I needed any,” I said. Perhaps she was advising me on the regrets of not seizing time.

As we departed, she told me that I was the second person who’d hugged her that day. Finally, she said she got a diagnosis from the doctor. She had dyscrasia, she explained. But she said she felt healthier than a horse. “I’m ill,” she said, however. She didn’t look the least bit. I told her to please call or come up anytime – she has my keys. “Get a second opinion,” I advised. She was so pretty, small and delicate, possibly the side-effect of the news. It was a definite departure from her norm of evil.

Love, Sandee

Published October 7, 2014 by Sandee

Do you think that I enjoy putting hexes on people? No! Yes, it’s necessary sometimes in the playground of my mind for me to believe that I have this option, while we all know this is delusional.

witchWell anyway — but I did take a hex off a guy I decided I liked. I discovered he did something very nice for somebody. So I thought about it all and decided that for the rest of the week I’ll go on a love mission. This means that I’ll have compassion for people and their stupidity, ignorance, fear and self-loathing. I’ll try to identify with these human frailties instead of suffering from the self-righteous indignation that fires me up to a state which makes it completely okay for me to damn people to hell.

Love,

Sandee

P.S. Still, if I could only — hahahaha! — Check out this cool witch’s coven –“She must die, die, DIEEEEE! — Give me power — sickness, sickness…death, death DEAAAATH!”:

 

 

 

 

 

 

What’s New Pussycat?

Published September 2, 2014 by Sandee

My inner-ghoul wanted me to write a dark humor piece about this thing I saw on aol news, but my new-found maturity stopped me because it coincided with something really unfortunate in the headlines. Nowadays, I’m sensitive to things like that. Ah well — file it away for later.

So, supposing there was mischief waiting to burst out of me, I conjured this bit of nostalgia – I guess also, I’m needing a reason to blabber on my blog…

…I was a young lass living in a brownstone on 147th Street off Riverside Drive, across the hall from a young man who hit on me from time to time – this guy and the one in the building across the street who called one day with a great level of astonishment in his voice — “You’re sitting in your rocking chair – you’re naked!” He accused. He could see me through the blinds slats.

Well, anyway, the guy across the hall would try tickling my fancy talking Chinese really loud on the phone – he was black, so he thought it was exotic — some kind of an aphrodisiac. We were in our lower twenties. One day on a full moon he chased me through the hall and we ran back and forth between our apartments – I was wearing clothes, by the way. I’d been hammering a nail, so when he picked me up and spun me around, the hammer flew out of my hand and hit the floor – we laughed and laughed and laughed then he chased me into my bathroom where I fell into the tub. It turned still then. He sat on the side of the tub and ran his index finger across my foot, staring me seriously in the eye. But, oh no. Though the vibe had shifted, I was able to break that mood. He’d never seen me naked and wasn’t going to. You don’t shit where you eat, mon cheri.

Oh but good times prevailed – this guy was a Leo who loved to laugh, heartily. One day I heard him through the walls while some song played on his radio. He burst through, knocked on my door – excited – “Turn on the radio!” It was some student station at the end of the dial — maybe NYU. He was nearly crying — out of breath. We listened – then I became hysterical. It was Tom Jones’ “What’s New Pussycat?” with all the “cats” taken out of it — so mostly everything ended with the word — well, you know. Oh, so you’ve heard this rendition? Well, for those who haven’t — I couldn’t find it on youtube — but here – it’s the regular one. Use your imagination:

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